


23A

by alifletcher2010



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Italy, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-05-02 05:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19192789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifletcher2010/pseuds/alifletcher2010
Summary: Three weeks in Italy. It was supposed to be a once in a lifetime, dream vacation. She had been dreaming about it for months. But now that she was on her flight, the only place Aelin wanted to be was in her bed.And the jerk in the seat next to her was definitely not helping.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a wip. Chapters posted whenever. Find me on tumblr @alifletcher2012

“Aelin!!”

Aelin groggily opened her eyes, trying to banish the traces of her dreams of a shattered window and flashing lights. A loud banging on her front door banished the rest of her dream. Aelin scowled in the direction of her front door. Any sleep was rare for her. Whoever had woken her up was dead.

“AELIN!” the voice came again, “We have to go NOW!”

Awareness came to Aelin like a bolt of lighting. She blinked and looked at her clock, only to be greeted by a blinking twelve.  _No._  She picked up her phone, only to find it dead.  _NO._

_No, no no nooooo._

Aelin stumbled from her bed, and dashed to her front door, uncaring that she was just in her nightgown. She threw open her door to find the unsmiling face of her best friend.

“Aelin! Finally! What is going on?! Aedion is waiting in the Uber. We have to get going! Where are your bags? Also, where are you clothes?” Lysandra asked, giving her friend a skeptical once over.

“Uh…about that…” Aelin hedged, “My power must’ve gone out again last night and I’m not even close to ready.”

“Are you at least packed?!”

“Uh…” Aelin blanched at the deathly look that came over her best friend’s face. “Kinda, I was going to get up early and finish this morning.”

“AELIN! I swear on all good in this life, I am going to murder you if we miss this flight. Get in the shower and I’ll pack your stuff.”

“Ok, just don’t pack anything too…” Aelin paused, unable to finish the sentence.

Lysandra gave her friend an exasperated look and shoved her in the direction of the bathroom, “Yeah, I know, now get going!”

Ten minutes later, Aelin was more or less packed. Sure her long golden hair was in a sopping wet ponytail and she didn’t have a lick of makeup on, but she was ready. She shoved her bag into the back of their Uber and folded her long legs into the backseat. Aedion was obviously less than pleased with her and was silently fuming next to her.

“Aelin, seriously, you need to start looking for a new place. That complex is a cesspool! You can afford better. You deserve better.”

“Yeah, yeah, ok Aedion.” She huffed. They’d had this argument time and time again and Aelin didn’t need it again today. She already knew she wasn’t living up to her potential.

Lysandra placed a placating hand on Aedion’s arm. “It’ll be fine Aedion. As long as security isn’t a nightmare, we’ll still have plenty of time.”

Of course security  _was_  a nightmare. And  _of course_ Aelin got chosen for a random security screening. After the most embarrassing pat down of her life, she, Aedion, and Lysandra only had a few minutes to make it to their gate before boarding. Except their gate was on the other side of the airport.

They were nearly there, when disaster struck again. A silver blur clipped Aelin, sending her to the ground. Her suitcase went flying and her phone skittered off somewhere unseen.

“Hey!” Aelin shouted, but the blur, that was actually a lowering man with silver white hair, just glared at her over his shoulder as if she was the one inconveniencing him. The man didn’t even pause to help her up, but instead disappeared around a bend.

“Are you alright?” Aedion offered her a hand up. Aelin snarled at him instead and struggled to her feet. She collected her suitcase from Lysandra and looked around in vain for her phone.

“Come on Aelin, we’ve got to get going.” Lysandra was already making her way down the terminal again.

“I can’t find my phone!”

“Seriously?” Aedion grumbled obviously fed up.

“Rutting hell!” Lysandra growled, “If I ever see that bastard again..”

“Come on Lys, we don’t have a lot of time. Kill the man later. You help find her phone. I’ll run ahead and see if they’ll hold the gate.”

Aedion darted off and Aelin and Lysandra frantically began searching for Aelin’s phone. After a distressing few minutes, Aelin found her phone under a trash can in a suspicious looking puddle. She didn’t even allow herself to think about what it may now be infected with, and instead stuffed it in her backpack and ran with Lysandra to their gate.

A few breathless minutes later, they were met at the gate by Aedion right before the door closed and were able to board just in time. Breathing a sigh of relief, Aelin followed her friends down the causeway. They’d made it. She could relax.

Fate, it seemed, had other things in store for her. As Aelin pushed her way down the aisleway of the plane, she noticed a familiar mop of silver hair. A pit settled into her stomach. He had an empty seat right next to him. And Aelin had a bad feeling that his unfortunate seat mate would be her.

23B. Yep. That was her alright. Next to the asshole in 23A. Wonderful.

Lysandra grimaced back at Aelin and she and Aedion made their way further down the plane. So not only did Aelin get the seatmate from hell, she had to deal with him alone. Fantastic.

Aelin looked around for an overhead bin with any space, only to realize they were pretty much full. But if she was lucky, she could shift the bags in the bin above her seat and make just enough space. Lifting her bag and hold the other ones to the side though turned out to be more difficult than she anticipated. Aelin wanted to scream.

“Turn it so the wheels are going if first.” A deep voice from below her said. Aelin didn’t even have to look down to know it was her seatmate. She just rolled her eyes and tried shoving her bag in again to no avail.

Obviously, her efforts just served to annoy her silver haired foe in 23A. “Seriously Princess, turn the bag around.”

Once again, Aelin ignored him. This only infuriated 23A, who clambered out of his seat and unceremoniously pushed Aelin aside and grabbed her bag.

“Hey! I don’t need your hel-

“Look,” he cut across her, “we can’t leave until your bag is stowed and you’re seated, so how about you let me do this.”

“I was doing just fine without you, so thanks, but no thanks.”

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to inconvenience the entire plane because you overpacked your carry on.”

“What?! Seriously. I wouldn’t even have to be fighting for a spot for my bag if you hadn’t tripped me and made me late for this flight.”

“Maybe you should actually watch where you walk princess, instead of expecting the rest of us peasants to move out of your way. Contrary to what I’m sure you believe, the world does not revolve around you.”

“Excuse me?! You don’t know me. You’ve just made a ridiculous snap judgment about me to justify you being an asshole. Get a fuc-”

“EXCUSE ME!” a loud voice interrupted them. “What seems to be the issue here?” A less than pleased flight attendant had approached during the argument and Aelin hadn’t even realized.

“Nothing,” Aelin said at the same time 23A said “Her bag won’t fit.” Aelin threw him a dirty look.

“Ma’am, we’re full up for carry on bags. I’d be happy to courtesy check your bag though.”

“That’ll be fine.” Aelin grumbled and handed over her bag.

Placated, 23A took his seat and Aelin followed, only slightly ashamed of her behavior.

She settled in to listen to the pre flight instructions and sighed. This was not how she had expected this trip to go.

Three weeks in Italy. It was supposed to be a once in a lifetime, dream vacation. She had been dreaming about it for months. But now that she was on her flight, the only place Aelin wanted to be was in her bed.

And the jerk in next to her was definitely not helping.

If Aelin was truly being honest with herself, it wasn’t really 23A that put her in a foul mood. Or even her rough morning. It wasn’t even her messy break up a couple months ago, or feeling like a third wheel now that her two best friends were together (even though she was glad they were happy). Or even Nehemia leaving months ago and not contacting her.

Aelin had been lost for a long time now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is basically a love letter to Italy. You have been warned.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since they were young girls, Aelin and Lysandra had dreamed about going to Italy. Aelin’s mother had loved old classic movies. Some of her fondest memories had been curled up on the couch with her mother watching some black and white movie. And when Lysandra had moved in next door it had become their tradition. Anything with Audrey Hepburn had been their favorite, but especially Roman Holiday. They had played lost princess in Rome so many times, taking turns being the princess and the dashing journalist, except when they could convince Aedion to join them. Aelin had dreamed for years about going to Rome, ever since her father had taken her mother for their fifteenth wedding anniversary. **  
**

Most of those dreams died with her parents. And after Sam…Rome had all been but forgotten. But after Aelin and Chaol had their disastrous break-up, Lysandra had resurrected the idea of a trip to Rome, something about getting away and improving Aelin’s mood.

Of course her current situation was doing nothing for her mood.

“Would you mind closing the window?”

Nothing.

“Could you close the window?”

Silence.

“Close. The. Window.”

More silence.

“Oh for the love, would you pretty please close that gods damned window.”

Finally, 23A looked up from his book, and glared at Aelin. It’s the first time she’s really seen his eyes, really looked at him…and his eyes make her heart stop. They were like midnight in a forest, a green with such depth that there seemed to be an everlasting woodland in his eyes. She felt as if he looked into her very soul and found it lacking, and yet she craved that gaze. Aelin did not realize she had been staring, until he spoke.

“I said, did you need something princess? Or did you interrupt my reading for spite?”

Aelin blinked, still trying to clear the sudden fog that had rolled into her brain. “Uhh…could you close the window? I’m trying to sleep and I’ve got a headache.”

“Yeah, no. I’ve got to get through this material before I land, and I can’t do that without that light. So no, not gonna happen princess.”

Aelin huffed. The princess thing was really starting to get on her nerves. She wanted to throttle him, and they were only three hours into this flight. But instead of murdering him, Aelin growled as she unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way down the aisle to where Lysandra and Aedion were.

They looked cute and cozy, Lysandra’s head on Aedion’s shoulder, sharing a set of headphones as they watched a movie together on his screen. It made Aelin a little jealous honestly, so she didn’t feel too bad about interrupting them.

“Hey, Lys,” she said, her hands on her hips.

Lysandra’s head popped up off of Aedion’s shoulder and she pulled out the earbud in her ear. The three of them had planned this trip months ago, before the two had gotten together. And as frustrating as it was to be suddenly the third wheel on a best friends trip, Aelin begrudgingly admitted it made her heart happy to see her two best friends so enamored with each other.

“Hey A, please tell me you’re here because you need help hiding a body.” Lysandra teased.

“I’m debating it. But no. Though I’m very much regretting putting off booking my flight. The idiot next to me won’t close the window out of spite and even though I asked nicely. I’m getting a raging headache. Did you pack your sleep mask?”

“Uh…no. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Aelin replied, trying to keep the frustration out of her voice. She was turning back to head back to her seat when an idea struck her. “Do you have that one lotion you wear all the time?”

“Um yeah, I have a travel size in my bag, hold on.” Lysandra dug through her carry on and produced the bottle, which Aelin took and smeared a copious amount over her hands and arms with a smirk.

Aedion, finally realizing Aelin was there, gave his cousin a questioning look. “What are you up to A? You tell Lys she smells like an old lady every time she wears that.”

“My hands are dry,” Aelin said innocently, while winking at Aedion as she strutted back to her seat.

If 23A wanted to be a rude, petty bastard, she could be right back. She would be the  _queen_  of petty.

Aelin slipped back into her seat gracefully as if nothing was amiss. First, she discreetly angled the air vent so it blew the scent of Lysandra’s overpowering lotion right at 23A. Then she kicked off her shoes and socks and stretched out her feet till they were in her seat mate’s space, but not actually touching him. After that, Aelin popped in her headphones and turned on some music. Not loud enough to disturb the rest of the plane, but just loud enough so that the sound could bled out. She crossed her ankles and bounced her foot along to the beat, making sure to brush her foot against his legs every now and then. She wiggled in her seat, and when she was comfortable, Aelin rested her arms on the armrests, making sure to press her elbow right up against 23A’s arm.

And then Aelin waited.

After five minutes, he slid his legs over so her feet no longer brushed his with an annoyed huff. Aelin gave him a few seconds respite before she shifted her position and recrossed her legs so that her leg was now almost fully on his side. And then somehow she managed to make her arm take up even  _more_  space.

After ten minutes, he slammed his book shut with a growl and stored it in the seat pocket. He still refused to acknowledge Aelin though, and crossed his arms and stared determinedly out the window. Aelin took advantage of the free armrest to spread her elbows out as far as she could, so that she was now jabbing him in the side.

After fifteen minutes, 23A was visibly upset. He had his fists balled under his arms and Aelin could see a vein pulsing is his neck. He just needed one more push to send him over the edge. So Aelin pulled out the chips that had been handed out earlier for one of their in-flight snacks, and began munching on her snack. Loudly. With her mouth open.

Two chips later, and apparently Aelin had finally pushed 23A over the limit. Quicker than a heartbeat he snatched the bag of chips out of her hands. His face was red with anger, and his clenched teeth made his jawline sharp enough to cut.

“Ok, fine. If you decide to grow up and act like a normal human being, I’ll close the stupid window.”

Aelin straightened in her seat, and said sweetly, “I’m not sure what on earth you could be referring to, but I would sooo appreciate it if you would close the window.”

23A shot her a look dirty enough to kill, and slammed the window shut. Aelin just gave him a condescending grin, and lowered her music and slid her elbow back on to her own armrest.

When he attempted to had Aelin back her chips, she said with a smirk, “Keep them, they’re gross.” She then closed her eyes and was asleep in minutes, with a satisfied grin on her face.

— — —

The rest of the flight was mostly uneventful and was even enjoyable for Aelin. The food was surprisingly decent (Aelin may or may not have gotten the slightly more  _aromatic_  fish for her dinner, just for spite.) and there was thankfully no turbulence. Aelin and 23A did not exchange another word the entire flight, and the blessed silence did wonders for Aelin’s headache.

As Aelin disembarked, she felt hope begin to spring up in her chest. She made it. She was in  _Rome_. Anything could happen here. For the first time in a long time, she felt wildly giddy.

She waited for Lysandra and Aedion at the gate nearly bouncing, unable to keep her excitement in check.

After they made their way to customs, Lysandra asked slyly “So what did you do to him?” indicating 23A, who was just a few people ahead of them in line, and definitely still in a bad mood

Aelin just smirked “I have no idea what you could be referring to.”

“Come on A, the guy looks like he’s going to murder the border agent. And you were very obviously up to something earlier.” said Aedion.

“I just taught him a lesson in basic human decency, that’s all.”

Aedion grimaced. “Yeesh. I almost feel bad for the guy.”

“You’re just saying that because he’s gorgeous,” Lysandra teased.

“Maybe a little.”

Aelin just rolled her eyes, not willing to admit that as rude has 23A had been, he was heartbreakingly handsome. His broad shoulders, thick muscles, and shoulder length silver hair would normally have her a little more hot and bothered, but his utter lack of regard for the people around him had him squarely in her “not even if he was the last man on earth” category.

It didn’t really matter what category he was in though. She was  _never_  going to see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love in HoF how even though Aelin is broken and depressed, she's still so sassy. I hope some of that comes across in this chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Aelin had woken up feeling heavy again. Her dreams had felt more real than usual the night before. She’d spent longer in the shower, washing her back, trying to wipe away things that weren’t really there, scrubbing her skin raw to erase the phantom pain. But Aedion had brought her and Lysandra some pastries that were exquisite for breakfast and the newness of the food and the excitement of the morning helped her push her dreams into the recesses of her mind. After nearly gorging herself, she had felt almost new again. The maritozzo with its excessive amount of cream had been her particular favorite and she did think she could ever be hungry again after eating an entire one by herself.

But this. This was not helping her mood at all.

“Nope. No way. I’m not doing it. I’m not getting in line behind him.”

Because really, what were the odds? That they would book tickets for the Colosseum on the same day, during the same hours, and arrive at the same time? Apparently, pretty good. Because right at the end of the admittance line, was 23A.

“There’s no way. I’m not doing it! I’m just going to go back to the Air bnb.”

“Aelin! You can’t just not see the Colosseum over something so petty. Come on!” Lysandra staged whispered to her.

“Ehh, it’s stood for centuries, I’m sure it’ll be around for a few more.”

Aedion muttered under his breath, “I’m sure people said that about the Notre Dame.”

Lysandra glared at him “Too soon Aedion.” She rolled her eyes and huffed. “I did not go through all the trouble of researching and booking these tickets for you two to act like children. Now, we’re getting in line and we’re going to enjoy ourselves. Plus, Aelin, the Colosseum is massive, once we’re in there, I’m sure we won’t have to see tall, handsome, and grouchy again.”

So Aelin reluctantly conceded and joined the line with all the grace of a whiny toddler. Thankfully, 23A was bent over a camera and didn’t notice their joining him in line. With his back to them, Aelin took the opportunity to study him. He wore dark pants and a button up; he had to be sweltering. Today, his long hair was pulled up into a bun and the loose hairs around his muscular neck glistened against his golden skin. His shoulders were unbelievably broad and his back was chorded with muscles.

Aelin’s eyes traveled further down, and then she gulped, realizing she had been staring. She wanted to kick herself. He may be built like a masterpiece, but his beauty was wasted on him, with that kind of personality.

Aelin turned, and attempted to push 23A out of her mind for good, only to Aedion staring at him too. So she did the mature thing and kicked him in the shin, hard.

“Geez, Aelin! What was that for?”

“Quit staring! He might notice and I personally would like to make it through this ordeal without any more incidents with Mr. High and Mighty,” she whispered through gritted teeth.

“Oh like you weren’t just pervin’ a dish a second ago.” Aelin just rolled her eyes in response. “Plus, A, I’m pretty sure that he’s Rowan Whitethorn.”

“You say that like that’s supposed to mean something to me.”

“He’s kinda famous Aelin,” Lysandra chimed in, “Well he is if you’re Aedion. He writes for Doranelle Times. Aedion is a little obsessed.”

“I didn’t get a great look at him yesterday, but I’m pretty sure it’s him. I’m going to ask.”

“Oh my gosh, you are not! Aedion! Don’t-

It was too late. Aelin looked on in horror as Aedion tapped 23A on the shoulder and introduced himself. Surprisingly, he was actually gracious to Aedion and smiled as he shook his hand.

_Probably putting on a show because he knows Aedion is a fan._

“-my cousin, Aelin,” Aedion said, cutting through Aelin’s thoughts.

“What?”

“Aelin, this is Rowan. I was just introducing you?”

Rowan was looking at her with a smirk. Aelin just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

“So Aelin Galathynius, huh. I guess you really are a princess.”

Aelin just glared at 23A, uh,  _Rowan_ , and refused to comment on who she was or wasn’t.

Aedion cut the tension by asking “So Rowan, what brings you to Italy? Vacation or a new story you’re working on?”

“Actually,” Rowan said sheepishly, rubbing his neck, “Neither. I don’t work for Doranelle anymore. Haven’t in awhile to be honest. I’ve been getting my PhD in History. I’m here for my research and I teach a couple of classes.”

_History? How pretentious,_  Aelin thought. She had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes again. At this rate, they might roll right out of her head. The conversation continued around her, but Aelin tuned it out, unwilling to even pretend to be polite to Rowan. They just needed to make through this line and Aelin wouldn’t have to see him again. Hopefully.

The line continued on and they were almost to the entrance. They were sooo close. Aelin was ready to be rid of Rowan. He was showing off now, so graciously sharing his wealth of knowledge with them.

“You’re kidding, no way. I can’t believe someone actually used  _the_  Colosseum as a castle. You’re better than a guide book,” Lysandra said. She was obviously becoming just as enamored with Rowan as Aedion was.

“Well, if you want, I can take you on a tour of the Colosseum if you want. It’d be good practice for when I take my students when class starts next week. That’s actually why I’m here, to scope out the places I want to show them.”

Aelin groaned as Aedion and Lysandra accepted heartily. This was  _not_ happening.

\- - - 

Aelin flopped onto her bed. She was  _exhausted_. She had lost all sensation in her feet hours ago. After their tour of the Colosseum, Rowan had taken them to a quaint little restaurant for lunch, that even Aelin had to admit was wonderful. And then he insisted on taking them on a tour of Palatine Hill and the Roman Forum as well. Lysandra and Aedion agreed, so Aelin had reluctantly come along, even though every travel guide she had ever read about Rome had stressed over and over how bad of an idea it was to do them all in one day. Her feet were majorly regretting this choice now.

But the worst of it, came later, as they were parting ways. He had offered to take them around some of his favorite sites in Rome the next day. Aedion and Lysandra had accepted before he had finished speaking, even thought it meant disrupting their already very full itinerary.

“I’m so excited to go out with Rowan again tomorrow, he was just the best,” said Lysandra.

Aedion agreed, “Seriously, he was better than a tour guide. I mean just his wealth of knowledge! Can you believe what he was saying about the spolia and-”

Aelin huffed, annoyed with all the talked about Rowan. She was going to be sick if she heard his name again. Lysandra smirked at her. “You can’t still be mad at him, are you Aelin? Even though he took us on a crazy, fantastic tour,  _for free_ I might add. You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it at all.”

Aelin just groaned, unwilling to admit that she had actually enjoyed the tour. It had been generous of him to spend so much of the day teaching them. And she had to begrudgingly admit that she had learned a lot. More than she was sure she would’ve gotten from the guided audio tour they had been planning on doing. Rowan  _was_  a good teacher, not that she would ever tell him that.

But that didn’t mean she wanted to spend another minute with him. He was full of himself, annoying, and this was her vacation, gods damn it! Not his. He was disrupting everything. How was she supposed to enjoy herself, enjoy Rome, with him constantly looming over her with his stupid self-satisfied smirk, judging her life choices. So no, she would not be joining Aedion and Lysandra tomorrow with Rowan. She was determined to enjoy this vacation, even if it meant she had to enjoy her vacation alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit shorter chapter today guys, but it's building up for some fun things. I'm excited for the next chapter :D


	4. Chapter 4

 

Sunlight filtered into Aelin’s room and she slowly blinked awake. For the first time in years she felt truly refreshed. Sleep had come easy that night and she reveled in it as she stretched out. Not a single nightmare had come to her and she had only woken up once, to kick Lysandra and Aedion out. They had attempted to rouse her and persuade her to join them and Rowan. A few well aimed pillow throws had convinced them that she would definitely  _not_  be joining them on their little adventure. Even after getting hit with a pillow, Lysandra had refused to leave until Aelin had agreed to meet them that night for drinks and dinner near the Spanish Steps. **  
**

Checking her phone, Aelin had four missed calls and half a dozen missed calls…and it was noon.  _Whoops._  She had planned a full day for herself and had only meant to sleep in another half hour after Lysandra and Aedion left. But she was clearly very jet lagged on top of her long day yesterday.

After texting Lysadanra and assuring her that, yes in fact, she was still alive, Aelin scarfed down some pastries for breakfast (lunch?) and dashed out her door. She had booked herself a showing at the Borghese gallery at one and if she didn’t hurry, she would be late. And she did not want to miss another minute of her day alone in the eternal city.

Thankfully, Aelin arrived with plenty of time to check her bag before her tour. The galleria was breathtaking to Aelin. Her favorite pieces were the works of Bernini. The details on his sculptures were exquisite. She was mesmerized by the way he had worked the hard, unyielding marble so it appeared to be supple, delicate skin. Aelin felt as if she could spend hours just taking in every feature of his works. But she resisted the pull to linger, because what she had planned after the museum was what she had looked forward to the most about today.

Aelin sped through the rest of the galleria, taking in as much as she could, but her impatience prevented her from lingering any longer. After collecting her bag, Aelin began her walk through the Villa Borghese gardens on her way to her next destination. She had meant to hurry, and not spend too much time in the gardens themselves, but she found herself slowing to a stroll.

The gardens were massive. It wasn’t a typical garden, with flowers and bushes planted in neat rows, but a beautiful, lush green park, dotted with statues. Ancient trees towered overhead and there was an element of unruliness and wildness to the growth. Green seemed to stretch on forever in every direction. Aelin could see how they were the most extensive gardens in all of Rome. Families strolled down the many paths, elderly couples rested on the benches, and she passed groups of teenagers that seemed to be playing some sort of reality game on their phones. A small train chugged past, carrying tourists across the park, and there were bike riders and pedal charts everywhere. Every now and then, she passed a playground or menagerie and the joy and laughter she could hear in the voices of the children brought a lightness to her heart she hadn’t felt in years. The gardens seemed to be a little piece of heaven, cut off from the bustle of the city around all around them. Aelin allowed herself to wander a bit and enjoy the light and beauty all around her.

Later then she had anticipated, but feeling much more alive than she had in years, Aelin arrived at her destination, the Silvano Toti Globe Theatre. A replica of the Globe Theatre in London, but built in Rome. Their schedule was so full of sights to see that didn’t allow time for a showing of ones of its plays, but that was not going to prevent Aelin from seeing such a beautiful theatre. Honestly, she had no idea if tourists were even allowed inside during the daytime, but she slipped inside anyway and worked her way up into one of the upper balconies. Allowing her hand to graze the beautiful oak railings as she ascended the stairs, Aelin wondered what it would be like to actually see a play here. She found a seat that gave her a perfect view of the stage and imagined being here with her father.

The theatre was to her father what old movies were to her mother. He had loved anything that took place on a stage, whether is was classical theatre, Broadway, or one of her own backyard plays she put on for him. Her father felt theatre was a place for everyone, where difficult subjects could be explored in deep, meaningful ways. Her parents had lived modest lives, despite their wealth, but the theatre was the one area they splurged. Her father had supported artists and performers of every kind, whenever he could.

He started taking Aelin to plays as soon as she could sit. His tastes had varied from Moliere to Rogers and Hammerstien, but his favorite had always been Shakespeare. Instead of bedtime stories, she had plays and sonnets read to her and her dreams as a child had been full of men with donkey heads and mischievous fairies. When she was being especially fiery as a child he would say she was just like Beatrice with an admiring tinkle in his eye.

Oh how she wished he was here with her now. But this was a close as she could be to her parents now. Rome for her mother and a theatre for her father. Her heart ached to be near her parents again. To just feel their arms around her one more time. To know that they loved her.   _I know I’m not living up to what you expected of me,_  she thought, sending her words upward like a prayer.  _I’m lost. I’ve been so lost for so long without you._

There was no reply. She hadn’t expected one. But then… a breeze filtered through the theatre bringing with it the sounds of the park around her and somehow, illogically, the scent of pine and snow, of home. It ignited the flickering ember in her heart and dried the tears on her face.

 _You are not alone,_ it whispered.

— — —

It took all her willpower to get herself to leave the theatre. To leave her connection to her parents. But actors had starting arriving for a rehearsal, and Aelin knew she needed to go. She spent the rest of her evening exploring the gardens and then slowly making her way over to the Spanish Steps. After the theatre, she felt more whole somehow. Even though she had been in Rome for just a couple of days now, her soul felt lighter. Something about the city brought her a sense of transcendentalism that had been missing for some time now.

She excited the gardens by Piazza del Popolo. Before crossing Via Flaminia into the piazza, she stopped by a small gelato shop. It was likely a tourist trap, she had no way of knowing for sure, but her hazelnut and nutella gelato was divine and would satiate her until dinner. The sun was setting when she entered the piazza, casting a soft, orange glow on everything around her. In the piazza, there was a street performer blowing enormous bubbles. Children chased them, giggling, and even adults looked on with wonder on their faces. Aelin found herself laughing along, especially when a large bubble burst right next to her, spraying her with soapy water.

Before slowly making her way down Via del Corso, Aelin took her time exploring the piazza, taking pictures, and visiting the twin churches. She then followed the wide street that would end in Piazza di Spanga, where the Spainish Steps were. Shops lined the street and pedestrians flooded the road. Aelin stopped in many of the stores, though most were well outside of her budget. But Aelin did find some cute things in a vintage store a little bit off the main street that she was excited to take home with her. After meandering about for a bit, Aelin even went into a couple of the designer stores. It took a lot of willpower for her not to buy a couple of the high end handbags she saw, but she resisted. She was in a rather posh jewelry store when her phone dinged. Aelin groaned, she had hoped they’d forgotten.

 **Lysandra:**  Hey! We’re almost to the Spainish Steps! And you will be there. No buts!

 **Aelin:**  Ugh.

 **Lysandra:**  Yes, you have to. Don’t even bother asking

 **Aelin:** You’re no fun. And I’ve had such a lovely day. I would rather it not get ruined.

 **Lysandra:**  He’s really not so bad A.

 **Aelin:**  Rigggghhht

 **Lysandra:**  Come onnnn. Just give him a chance

 **Aelin:** Fine

 **Lysandra:**  Yay! I’ll be right in front of the fountain

Aelin groaned again and made her way out of the store and hurried towards the piazza. 

— — —

 

 

Night had fallen now and even a couple of stars were winking above the white Trinità dei Monti church that stood at the top of the steps. Just as she said she would be, Lysandra was standing in front of a boat shaped fountain at the base of the stairs. As she greeted her with a hug, Aelin asked, failing to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, “Where’s Aedion and his new best friend?”

Lysandra rolled her eyes at Aelin, “Aelin, you promised to be nice. They ran up the steps really fast. I was way too tired. Rowan is relentless, I swear I’ve been on my feet all day.”

“Well, I definitely don’t regret coming with you now. You make it seem s _oooo_ pleasant.”

“Oh, but it really was A. He took us to some marvelous ruins and churches and this one, San Clemente was so cool. It had two levels of catacombs under it. I thought it was amazing, though Aedion was mad there were no bodies,” Lysandra laughed. “So he took us to this super creepy bone church to make up for it. I swear I’m going to have nightmares now. You really should’ve come. What did you do all day?”

Aelin had to admit, not that she would ever tell, that some of the places Rowan took them  _did_  seem really interesting and she would’ve loved to have gone. Just not with Rowan of course. “I walked around those gardens I told you about and did that one museum. Mostly I just explored. It was beautiful.”

“Well, I’m glad you had fun, even if it wasn’t with us…” Lysandra trailed off. Years of knowing Lysandra clued Aelin into the subtle shift in her mood.

“Lys, you don’t need to feel guilty about it. I was fine, I had a great day.”

“I know, I just realize that this trip was for us and we kinda abandoned you. So, I’m sorry. It was really cool and I know you’d like Rowan if you weren’t so freakishly stubborn. But, since he makes you uncomfortable, I promise we won’t do that again. We don’t even have to see him again, if you really want.”

“Thanks Lys. And really it’s fine. It was good for me, to be alone. I feel better, ya know. Better than I have in years honestly.”

“I’m glad.”

“Though I would prefer it if we didn’t have to see Rowan again, after today,” said Aelin.

“Ok,” Lysandra laughed and nudged Aelin in the side. “Sooo…the Spainish Steps. Do you think you’ll meet your journalist named Joe who will whisk you away on a Vespa?”

Aelin laughed at their childhood Roman Holiday fantasy. “No. I’d ask if you had your eyes out for any handsome, Vespa riders, but you’ve already got Aedion.”

“Oh yeah, but I’d totally be down if a gorgeous Italian wanted to take me on a tour of Rome. So would your cousin, for that matter. We could share.” Aelin and Lysandra broke into a fit of giggles. When they had recovered Lysandra added, “You know Rowan was a journalist, right?”

“Don’t even joke about that, Lys.”

“Don’t joke about what?” came a voice from behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a super Aelin centric chapter, but I wanted to give her a little time to start healing. And honestly, this chapter was getting super long. So i’m posting this half now and will post the second half (which is now chapter 5) in a few more days. Enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***In this chapter a character has a panic attack and character deaths are referenced. Feel free to ask me if you need further details.

  

 

 

 

“Don’t joke about what?” came a voice from behind.

Aelin turned around, know exactly who it would be. Sure enough, Aedion was staying behind her with one Rowan Whitethorn.

“Don’t worry about it Aedion.” said Aelin. Turing to Rowan, she said, without an ounce of warmth in her voice, “Rowan, good to see you again.”

Rowan smirked at her. He looked far more relaxed than she had seen him yet. And for the first time since she met him, he was wearing a short sleeved shirt. It showed off a dark tattoo that traced up his muscular forearm and disappeared under his sleeve. She could see it peeking out from under his collar, so it must have covered most of his expansive chest as well. The dark whorls looked angry and bitter. For some reason, looking at his tattoo made chills run up her spine.

“So,” said Lysandra and Aelin started and realized she had been staring. She flushed and hastily looked away. “Where are we headed for dinner?”

“Actually, we’re headed for  _aperitivo_.” said Rowan. “It’s kind of like a happy hour. But much better.”

“How is anything better than happy hour?” Lysandra asked incredulously.

“Well, since most Italians don’t eat until later, the hour or so before dinner is spent socializing and drinking as a way to wet the appetite for dinner.”

“Italy is amazing.” Lysandra moaned.

But instead of feeling delighted, Aelin’s stomach clenched with fear.

— — —

Rowan took them on a walk a few blocks out of the main touristy area to a quaint aperitivo bar. Clothed tables lined the street and the lights of the bar cast a warm glow all around. Exposed brick lined the back wall and the lighting was dim, but warm, giving the bar a rustic, homey feel. People milled around the counter but the bar was not overly crowded. The group took their seats at a small table just outside the entrance.

“Sooo, Rowan, what’s good here?” Aedion asked dramatically. Lysandra rolled her eyes at him. He hissed at her, “What? We’re here to experience Italy, like true locals. I don’t want to make some faux pas and Rowan seems to know a  _smidge_ more than me.”

“Well…wine is always a safe bet, but usually drinks with bitters are served for aperitivo.I tend to stick with the classic negroni, it’s very lush, but if you want something lighter, I’d go with a Spritz with Campari or Aperol.” said Rowan

“And if I want to go adventurous?” asked Lsyandra.

“Try something with an amaro. They can be very bitter, but have beautiful, deep flavor. Cynar is my personal favorite. It’s flavored with artichokes and herbs.”

“Ohhh, that sounds lovely. I think I’ll try that.”

After a few minutes more deliberation, they were ready to order their drinks. Rowan, wanting to give them the full experience, ordered a plate of meats and cheeses to go along with their drinks. Then it was Aelin’s turn to order.

“Umm, I’ll just have a sparkling water,” she said in a quiet voice, avoiding looking at Rowan to keep from seeing his reaction. The waiter blinked at her in surprise, but then nodded and walked off. Aedion and Lysandra were used to her order, so they didn’t even bat an eye, but Rowan seemed to take offense at her choice of drink. When she dared to glance at her, he had an exasperated expression on his face. Thankfully, Aelin was spared having to explain to him but Lysandra and Aedion engaging Rowan in a conversation.

The rest of the evening passed quietly. Aelin kept quiet most of the night, preferring to keep her interactions with Rowan to a minimum. Instead, she spent her time being enchanted by the city around her and gazing at all the people passing by. She was grateful that after tonight that Lysandra and Aedion had agreed to see less of Rowan.

Aperitivo moved on to some more walking around and then dinner and finally, hours later they were headed home. The group was pleasantly full and quiet, enjoying nighttime in the city as they walked back, Rowan to a tram station and the rest on to their apartment. Aedion and Lysandra, who were both a little tipsy, walked on ahead, leaving Aelin and Rowan to walk together. Instead of engaging in conversation with Rowan, Aelin walked while gazing up at the stars, her arms wrapped around herself. If she tried really,  _really_  hard, she could almost pretend he wasn’t there.

Up ahead, Aedion stumbled and Lysandra wrapped her arms around him to help him right himself, only to cause them to stumble further. Aelin chuckled softly at her friends. She glanced at Rowan, expecting to at least share a smile with him over their antics, but instead when he met her eyes, he just rolled his eyes and growled lowly under his breath.

“Seriously?” she asked “What is your deal?”

“My deal?!” he responded incredulously. “Really, you have the gall to ask that?”

“Don’t act all surprised Whitethorn. You have been nothing but rude and unfriendly since I met you. And before I met you, you were straight up cruel.”

“Cruel? Really Aelin? Because I wouldn’t close a window? Or what? Because I tripped you  _on accident_?”

“You didn’t even apologize for that!”

“ _Fine._  You want an apology? I’m s o r r y I’m a normal human being who makes mistakes and had a bad day. Get over it princess.”

“Stop calling me that you bastard! You know nothing about me!!” Aelin realized that sometime in the course of their argument, they had stopped walking, and were now face to face, yelling at each other in the street. She hurried away from Rowan, attempting to catch up with Aedion and Lysandra.

“Stop calling you princess? Now why would I do a thing like that, when it fits you so nicely. Especially when your parents-”

Aelin whirled back and cut Rowan off by poking him hard in the chest. Through gritted teeth, she growled out, “Don’t you  _dare. Don’t you_   _ever_  mention my parents.”

Rowan just sneered down at her, “You don’t want talk about your parents fine. Let’s examine your actions. You’re the one who made her friends worried out of their minds all morning because they hadn’t heard from you yesterday. Then you were the one that made them guilty the other half of the day because you can’t get off your high horse and be in my presence for more than two seconds. You were the one who couldn’t even deign to drink with me because she’s so stuck up. So tell me how you’re nothing more than a spoiled brat?”

Aelin could handle being called names or spoiled or whatever. She could deal with insults to her character. Gods, she could even bear someone like Rowan Whitethorn speaking the names of her parents, but this,  _this_  was something she couldn’t bear being mocked. Before she knew what she was doing, Aelin raised her hand and slapped Rowan across the face.  _Hard._

The loud crack reverberated around the alleyway. Before she could even think about what she had done, Aelin was off. She darted down the street as fast as she could, barely taking in the shocked look on Rowan’s face. She didn’t even acknowledge Aedion and Lysandra. She could only focus on escaping this moment as fast as she could.

— — —

Aelin had reached their AirBnB in record time and threw herself into bed. Sleep would not come tonight, she knew it wouldn’t, but she couldn’t deal with the fallout of their argument. Not yet. So when Aedion and Lysandra came home a few minutes later, Aelin pretended to be asleep.

Eventually, Aelin did sleep, but it would’ve been better if she hadn’t. The dreams were worse than ever. She could still hear the sirens echoing in her ears when the early morning sun peeked into her window. Her head felt heavy and cloudy and she had no stomach for food.

“Sooo….Pantheon today?” Lysandra asked over breakfast. It seemed her friends had decided the best route for dealing with whatever had happened last night was to pretend it didn’t happen. At least for now. Aelin was grateful for that.

“Yeah,” she responded, trying to muster up some excitement, but only managing a wane smile. Aelin had no stomach for food or for conversation. She was only able to force down a few bites of a breakfast bar and some water before leaving.

By the time they arrived at the Pantheon, the piazza was completely full and the line had spilled out into the surrounding side streets. The heat was oppressive and the humidity combined with the crush of bodies was making it difficult for Aelin to breathe. Her near empty stomach pitched and rolled as they walked to the end of the line. To make matters worse, once again, standing at the end of the line was one silver-haired Rowan Whitethorn. He looked up at them, and gave them a hesitant half smile.

“Lys,” said Aelin, stopping dead, “What is he doing here? You said it’d just be us.”

Lysandra grimaced “Uh…so I knew you wouldn’t come if you knew, but he wanted a chance to apologize after I explained it all to him, so I said he could meet us and-”

“You told him?! Lys! That’s..ugh…not-Lys!” Aelin stumbled on her words, not knowing how to express her frustration and embarrassment. “I don’t need his pity Lys or want it!”

“It’s not like that, Aelin, just hear him out, please?”

Aelin couldn’t think. Rowan  _knew_. The thought overwhelmed her. Everything was too loud and too bright and  _too much_.

“I need to get out of here,” Aelin stammered out before turning and darting down the street. She barely heard Rowan saying something, barely heard her friends calling her name. It was too much,  _too much_. Too many people were around her, too many people touching her skin. She felt hot, too hot and her breath was coming far too fast.

Aelin turned a corner blindly and ran into another mass of bodies. A street peddler approached her saying something she couldn’t understand while trying to press a rose into her hands. She kept saying no, but he wouldn’t leave and he was too close and she could smell him and all the people and it was too much, too much,  _too much._

Blind panic erupted from her. Her heart was beating out of her chest. Her mind raced. She didn’t know where she was. Her entire body shook. Her vision swam. She didn’t know where she was.  _Oh gods,_   _where was she?_

A cool hand grasped hers. It lead her away from the swarms of people and down a side street. She couldn’t even think about who had her, or if it was even someone she knew, or what they would do with her, because her mind still couldn’t focus but at least wherever the person was taking her was quiet and cool. She felt herself being helped to a seated position in some abandoned doorway. A drink was pressed into her hands but her shaking fingers couldn’t grasp it and the water bottle dropped from her hands and clattered to the ground. Aelin began sobbing, barely able to get enough air down her lungs.

“Aelin,” a deep voice said, “Look at me.” Aelin slowly looked up, unable to comprehend Rowan being here. Panic coursed through her again at the sight of him.  _Why was he here?_  He shouldn’t be here. She needed Aedion or Lysandra, but not  _Rowan_.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see, but I promise I’m going to take care of you Aelin.” he said in a soothing voice. He took her hand and pressed it to his chest and covered with his own. “Feel my breath Aelin. Breathe with me. In…and out…in…and..out…”

Aelin felt his strong chest grounding her, felt his breath coursing in and out. Slowly she felt her breath match his as he continued speaking to her in a calm voice.

“It’s ok Aelin. You’re ok. There are no people here. It’s safe. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you. It’s going to be ok. You’re ok. Do you have any medication you can take?”

Aelin shook her head in response.

“Can you drink something? There’s still some water.”

Aelin nodded and took a sip of the bottle he pressed to her lips. Slowly, Aelin’s breathing returned to normal and Rowan shifted so he was sitting next to her. He removed her hand from his chest, but kept her small fingers wrapped in his own. Aelin leaned back against the cool wall and closed her eyes, focusing on slowing her thoughts.

“Better?” he asked, once the shaking in her hands was under control. She could only nod in response again. “Try drinking again,” and she obliged. 

After a few more minutes, he spoke. “I’m sorry Aelin. This was my fault. I shouldn’t have surprised you earlier.”

“No,” she said, her voice hoarse. “Not your fault.”

“It was, but thanks for trying to make me feel better. I was so concerned with trying to make myself feel better about the things I said yesterday, I didn’t even consider your feelings or if you even wanted to see me. And for that, I am truly sorry.”

Aelin grimaced, still unable to truly smile, “Well, seeing as you just helped me through a panic attack, I guess I can forgive you.”

Rowan snorted. Aelin cracked her eyes open and glanced at him. He looked…terrible. Well, still mind-numbingly handsome, but rumpled and exhausted, like he had as good of a night’s sleep as she did.

After a few more minutes, Rowan spoke again. “I also owe you an apology for yesterday. You were right. I was a bastard. I don’t know you and I had no right to say the things I did.”

Aelin slipped her hand out from under Rowan’s and it felt cold and empty. “You don’t need to say that because Lysandra told you about what happened with Sam.”

“Was that his name? Lysandra only said that you lost your best friend because of drunk driving and then something rather colorful about needing to remove my head from my ass.”

Aelin only snorted. That was just like Lysandra.

“I’ve lost people too Aelin. I-I get it. I know how it changes you. But really Aelin…I mean it. I am sorry. I made a snap judgement. I’ve been making them about you ever since the airport. I have been a bastard.”

“Well I didn’t exactly help either, you know.”

Rowan laughed, “I don’t think I’ve had such an…interesting seat mate in any flight I’ve ever had.”

Aelin laughed at him and maybe it was because of her already scattered emotions, but soon they were both cracking up. After a few minutes, they calmed down, Aelin wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. She had never recovered from a panic attack this quickly. Something about Rowan’s presence was surprisingly soothing.

“Your cousin keeps saying he thinks we’d be great friends you know…” he said after a comfortable silence.

“Yeah…I guess you’re not so bad.” Aelin said, nudging him in the ribs. “Maybe, we should start over?”

“Umm…maybe we shouldn’t.” Aelin whipped her head around so fast, she nearly gave herself whiplash. She glared at Rowan, “What?”

He laughed, “Sorry, not like that. Sorry, sorry… I should’ve worded it different. Starting over implies forgetting everything that’s happened, or pretending it didn’t happen, or whatever. But that past is what shapes us, teaches us. I don’t want to ignore all I’ve learned about you Aelin. So maybe, we can start being better?”

Aelin smiled at him “Yeah, I’d like that.”


	6. Chapter 6

Aelin and Rowan sat in the alleyway for a while in a comfortable silence. It was unreal, how quickly they had gone from despising each to friends, but somehow, deep in her soul, Aelin knew that Rowan was someone she could trust.

“We should let your cousin know that you’re ok. He and Lysandra are probably worried.” 

“Yeah, I’ll text him and let him know where we’re at.”

Lysandra and Aedion found them a few minutes later. By then, Aelin was feeling much better, and didn’t want to make a fuss. Aedion tended to be overbearing when it came to her,  _especially_ her health. And she knew if she told him, it would mean the end of their day in the city.

“Aelin!” he said, rushing to hug her. Aelin begrudgingly accepted the embrace, flushing at her cousin’s display. “I was so worried, what happened?!”

“Aedion...I...I’m fine, I just-”

“She got lost.” Rowan cut in. “Luckily, I found her, before she left us all for a gorgeous Italian. Or something.” He winked at Aelin.

“Yeah,” Aelin replied.

Aelin shot him a look,  _Thank you_.

_Anytime_  was his responding nod.

Aedion glanced at them both and shot Aelin a questioning glance, but didn’t press the issue.

 “So...there’s beautiful church not too far from here, Sant’Ivo?” said Rowan “It’s really only open on Sundays, so today’s our only chance. We could go see it, maybe hit up a few other places like Piazza Navono? Wait for the crowds around here to die down...I even know a great gelato place near there. What do you guys think?”

“Yeah, I think that sounds great,” said Aelin, stepping out of Aedion’s arms. Lysandra’s eyebrows shot so high into her hairline Aelin was afraid they’d never reappear again. She heard Aedion agree to Rowan’s idea and then start to follow him down the street. Lysandra pulled on Aelin’s arm, holding her back as the guys continued on.

“Are you sure?” she hissed.

“Yeah..you know, you were right. He’s not so bad.”

“I was right? Aelin, you’ve never admitted I was right  _in your life_. Are you sick or something? What really happened?”

“Nothing, you know..it’s in the past.” Aelin shrugged and then smiled to herself, thinking of Rowan’s words earlier.

“Uh-huh.” Lysandra said, less than convinced. 

Aelin followed after the guys, hoping Lysandra didn’t feel the need to question her more. 

__ __ __

The rest of the day was a dream. Aelin would’ve never guessed it based on how her morning started, but this wound up being her favorite day in Rome so far. The church Rowan brought them to was stunning and the gelato place was sublime. Her white chocolate nutella gelato covered in more white chocolate ruined her for any other ice cream for the rest of her life. In the afternoon, when the crowds died down, they did eventually make it back to the Pantheon. And Aelin was so glad they did. She had never felt more uplifted in a space in her entire life.

Surprisingly, Rowan was actually wonderful tour guide and Aelin actually learned things from him. Aelin supposed she should’ve known, but as she had barely listened to him at the Colosseum, it was her own fault for not knowing. His depth of knowledge amazed her and his passion was evident in every word he spoke. Even boring things, like the way the Romans made their concrete and that kind of thing was interesting when Rowan talked about it.

They were gathered now for an early dinner. Rowan had faculty meetings in the morning and the rest of the group would be headed to the Vatican, so all wanted an early night. Lysandra ordered wine for the table, and after Aelin ordered her typical sparkling water, Rowan also ordered her a Chinotto soda.

“What are you getting me into Whitethorn?” she asked, only half joking.

“There’s a whole world of other Italian beverages out there, I’m not going to make you suffer through drinking just carbonated water, while the rest of us enjoy our drinks.”

“I happen to enjoy sparkling water, Rowan.”

“Uh-huh, sure...I’m pretty sure no one actually prefers sparkling water. It tastes like baking soda.” he said winking at her. “But if you don’t like it you don’t have to drink it, of course.”

Aelin smiled at him in response. It was a huge change from the night before. Instead of criticizing her decisions, he had accepted them, but was still willing to help her enjoy the culture and cuisine of the country. It filled her with a warm, unidentifiable feeling. 

 Easy conversation flowed around the table as they savored plates of pasta. Aelin found her drink to be strange, but surprising good. A lull in the conservation was broken by Aedion asking, “So, Rowan, why did you quit journalism?”

Aelin, who was sitting next to Rowan, spluttered on her drink, and shot her cousin as stern look.

“What?! I’m curious!” he said, shrugging. 

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Aedion, you are so tactless sometimes.”

“It’s really ok Aelin. I don’t mind.” Nevertheless, Rowan played with the stem of his wine glass for a moment, an unreadable look on his face, before he continued . “It’s a bit of a long story, in all its details...but I guess in the end it came down to I just had different ideas on how life should be lived than my aunt.”

“Your aunt?” Aelin asked giving him a puzzled look.

“Yeah, I guess it’s not common knowledge, but Maeve, the owner of the Doranelle Times, is my aunt. She raised me, if you can call what she did raising. But I always had a roof over my head, so I should count myself lucky.”

He paused to take a sip of wine before going on. “In college, I rebelled. I mean, not  _really,_  I just chose a major she would’ve hated. History, actually. She always said it was a completely useless degree. Somewhere along the line, I actually fell in love with the subject. But halfway through my sophomore year, she refused to keep paying for my school unless I switched to journalism so I could eventually carry on the family business, or whatever. As a donor for the school, she had a lot of sway. She blocked me from getting any loans or grants...and even working two jobs, I couldn’t keep up with the school fees.”

“Damn, that’s harsh.” swore Lysandra. Rowan shot her an appreciative half smile.

“So I switched to journalism and started walking in Maeve’s footsteps. It took me years to realize what that meant though. And after…” 

Rowan’s voice broke for a second, thick with emotion. Aelin brushed her fingers across his under the table. 

_I’m here_  said her touch.

His eyes said  _Thank you_  in reply.

“After my wife passed, I could no longer keep my eyes closed to her cruelty,” Rowan continued on, his voice growing stronger. 

“She was so utterly heartless. Never helped a soul that we interviewed, even if talking to us put them in danger. People died because of her. She shamelessly pushed her own agenda and bias into our work. Some of the things she printed were straight up false. Never mind that people relied on the publication for the information they needed to make decisions. It was only about the money and the power to influence people. My work was never sensational enough of her anyway, so I left and haven’t looked back. And you know, the thing is, I didn’t really hate journalism, not really, just her kind of journalism.”

Silence fell heavy on the group, thick and oppressive. Aelin swallowed, and asked hoping to ease the tension a bit, “So I’m guessing you studying History for your PhD was a metaphorical screw you to Maeve?”

Rowan laughed, a deep and hearty laugh, that made Aelin’s stomach flutter a bit. “Well, I guess I was trying to stick it to Maeve a bit, but...I felt like every story I wrote, very war zone I visited, it was the same cycle being repeated, over and over again. We need to learn from our past, teach the past, lay it all out there so that we stop making the same mistakes over and over again.”

Something about what Rowan said stuck Aelin deep in her soul. What he had said was so familiar, so close to the ideas her father had raised her with that she was struck dumb for a moment. By the time she shook away her thoughts, the conversation had moved on. Aelin couldn’t bring herself to really engage anymore and the night slipped away. 

Soon they were packing up and heading home, with plans to meet up again the day after the next. Aedion and Lysandra walked ahead again, leaving Aelin with Rowan. They walked in silence for awhile, Aelin still so wrapped up in her thoughts that she missed the first few times Rowan attempted talking to her.

“Huh?” said Aelin, finally surfacing from her thoughts. “Did you say something?”

He laughed, “I said you were looking a little lost, but I guess I didn’t realize how much that was true. Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” Aelin, wrapped her arms tight around herself, as if to keep her thoughts inside, but they spilled out anyway. “It's just what you said at dinner, about the past and what you said earlier today...I guess it just has me thinking of my father. Really this whole trip has me thinking about them…”

“Do you know I met them once? It had to have been months before their...deaths. They were wonderful people and I looked up to your father a lot.” 

“I can see why. And I think he would’ve liked you”.

Rowan smiled at her and stuck his hands in his pockets. He walked casually beside her, giving her the space she needed to sort through her thoughts, not pressuring, but still there for her. Before she could think about it too much, the past just tumbled out of her.

“Everyone used to say that my father married my mother for her wealth and influence, she came from old money you know...But really, they were madly in love. They found in each other a like mind, a kindred spirit, someone who understood them on a deep, fundamental level. They were both dreamers too. They saw the world around them not as it was, but how it could be. My father felt that if people were given the truth, the facts they would make the best decisions. So he created the Orynth Post and brought together all sorts of people to work for him. It didn’t matter who they were or what they believed or how different they were from him. He felt that if he could get them to all work together, the world could too. But it was more than just diversity of person and thought. He never accepted outside influence. No sponsors, no bribes, no bias, nothing. Because he wanted people to know that what he published was completely, purely fact. And almost overnight it became a success. Terrassen slowly became more politically stable than it had been in years, because people knew if the Orynth Post said something, they could trust it. But it was all staked on my father’s reputation and when he was murdered...it all fell apart.”

“He was the kind of journalist I wanted to be.” Rowan said softly, “Can I ask...why haven’t you taken over? I think everyone thought you would when you were older.”

Aelin had expected the question, but her courage fled, and she found herself unable to answer. “I-Rowan-I want to tell you, but I’m not sure if I can stand the way you’ll look at me when you know everything.”

Rowan looked at her hard. She could tell he wanted to protest, but she silently begged him not to. She could never be able to bear it if he ever found out everything and rejected her, like so many others, like  _Chaol_... So instead she allowed him to wrap his arms around her and hold her in the setting Italian sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this chapter gave me a ton of problems no matter how much I reworked it. I do like how it turned out, but I do feel like the pacing is off or something. Idk, but fun things are coming up that I want to get working on


	7. Chapter 7

“Lys!! Where are all my t-shirts?!?”

Aelin pounded through the apartment. Typically, Aelin was a little more laid back with her time. She was the epitome of fashionably late most days, but today she was anxious to get going. Not having anything to wear was definitely not helping her nerves either. She had already torn apart her suitcase twice and Lysandra’s once. Most of Lysandra’s clothes would have her flashing the entirety of Rome all day and the only things close to acceptable in her bag were a couple of sundresses she hadn’t worn in…well, years.

“LYS! Wake UP!” Aelin banged on the bedroom door where her best friend and cousin slept. There was no reply. She honestly should’ve expected as much. The day before they had spent four hours going through the Vatican museums, even taking the expedited route. And they had to walk through almost the entire thing just to get to the Sistine Chapel. Don’t her wrong, Aelin loved art and history, and all that, but  _four hours?! FOUR HOURS?!_  It had been a bit much. And once they had actually gotten to the Sistine Chapel, it had been crowded wall to wall. Guards were yelling intermittently at the visitors to not take pictures or keep quiet. It was too overwhelming. Aedion took one look at Aelin’s shaking hands and took a completely illegal selfie of them with the ceiling before ushering them out. It had been a bit of a let down, honestly.

After that, Aelin had been all for calling it a day, but her relentless best friend and cousin had insisted on climbing the dome of St.Peter’s Basilica. It took 551 steps to get to the cupola, and part of it had been up a suffocatingly small spiral staircase. The views had been fantastic, but Aelin was  _done_  when they climbed back down. She called it quits for the day after that and turned in for an early night, wanting to have plenty of rest for their day with Rowan. However, Aedion and Lysandra had gone off who knows where, likely clubbing based on how later (early?) they had stumbled in.

So really, Aelin shouldn’t have expected them to  be up, but hungover or not, she needed clothes. After yelling for the third time, Aelin couldn’t wait any longer, and barged in. They were both sprawled across their bed, with the blankets tangled around them, naked and still out cold. Aelin ripped the blankets off of Lysandra, but made sure to leave them covering Aedion. She had already had breakfast and did  _not_  need to have it spoiled.

“What the hell, A?” Lysandra groaned half heartedly into her pillow, slowly coming back to life.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” Aelin said with a huff, her patience unusually thin, “Now, where. are. all. my t-shirts!?!?! You packed my bag! And I’m already out of clothes for the week and I haven’t done wash!”

“You’re not out of clothes, I packed you those super cute dresses you never wear anymore, A.” Lysandra rolled over, not bothering to cover herself up, and scowled at the light before pulling the pillow over her face. “Turn that offfffff Aelin. I am soooo hungover.”

“Lys, I don’t wear those for a reason,” Aelin said pointedly.

“Huh?” Lysandra peeked up at Aelin over the pillow. Aelin rolled her eyes and pointed to her back.

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, ‘oh, shit’.”

Lysandra pulled the pillow away from her face and gave Aelin an apologetic smile. “I sorry A, I guess I just thought if it was in your closet it would be something you would be comfortable wearing.”

Aelin sighed, “It’s fine, but even if I wanted to wear them, I can’t wear sleeveless stuff in the churches here anyway.”

Lysandra had learned this the hard way the day before. In holy spaces in Rome, both men and women were required to have covered shoulders, uncovered heads, and longer shorts. It hadn’t really been a problem before but Lysandra almost wasn’t allowed in to view the Sistine Chapel. She had to run a buy a scarf to cover her shoulders before she was admitted in.

“I guess you’ll just had to borrow my scarf? It’ll be very Italian chic.” Aelin just rolled her eyes.

“I suppose this is what happens when I don’t pack my own stuff, huh.”

Lysandra laughed which quickly turned into a grimace and she pulled the pillow back over her head.

“You’ll be fine A, and I’ll do some wash today A, so you can wear a t-shirt tomorrow if you want.”

“You’re not coming with?”

“Are you kidding? After you leave I’m going to go pay homage to the porcelain gods for a bit and then pass out for a few more hours. Tell Rowan we love him and we’ll see him later.”

__ __ __

Half an hour later, Aelin was walking to the tram station around the corner from their AirBnB to meet Rowan. The pretty green dress showed off her curves even better than she remembered, and it was definitely more cool than her shorts and t-shirt. But in spite of that Aelin felt oddly off kilter. She hardly wore anything like this anymore and it made her skin feel prickly and sensitive. Like everyone around her could see what the scarf covered. She subconsciously adjusted the scarf around her shoulders again. 

“Hey!” Rowan was waiting for her at the tram station, like her had promised. He looked like a dream today, sporting shorts and a button up again. His sleeves were rolled up again and his muscular arms and tattoos were on display again.

“Hey! Aedion and Lysandra aren’t going to make it. They were out late last night, so they’re taking it easy today. It looks like it’s just us today.”

“Well, I can’t say I mind.” Rowan gave her a warm smile that sent tingles down her spine. “I was thinking we could head to Trastevere today. It’s over the river, close to where I’m staying. There aren’t as many of the big sites, so it’s a little less touristy, but it’s also very up and coming and has some beautiful sites of its own.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Aelin couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face as she looked up into his face. They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, until the tram pulled up and they were shaken from their stupor.

“Um, soo,” Rowan rubbed his neck, something Aelin had noticed he would do whenever he was unsure, “How did you like the Vatican museums? Did you see the Belvedere Torso? That’s one of my favorite sculptures there.”

Aelin flushed. She  _had_  seen that one. In fact, Lysandra had made a  _highly_ inappropriate comment about whose torso it resembled and Aelin had been unable to get the image out of her head. It took all her willpower not to glance at Rowan’s chest. “Uh, yeah I did.”

“Did you know it was one of Michelangelo’s favorites. Apparently, it made him cry and he used it as inspiration for his works. Some pope asked him to finish it, but he claimed it was perfect the way it was.”

“Yeah, it was so intense and sinewy. Though I have to say, I was partial to the map room. The colors were stunning!”

They talked for the rest of the ride across the river about their favorite things at the museums which flowed into more conversation and by the time they arrived in Trastevere, Aelin had learned that Rowan and she held very similar ideas about politics and culture and the Rowan’s favorite color was gold and he hated camping and absolutely adored dogs. Talking to him was easy and natural.  _Being_ with him was easy and natural. He made her feel comfortable and appreciated in a way she hadn’t with someone who didn’t know her past for a long time.

Rowan took her to the Tempietto, the purported sight of the crucifixion of St. Peter. It was a beautiful little church and museum with a  _martyrium_  in the courtyard that was designed by Bramante. From there, they hiked up higher up the hill to the Fontana dell’Acqua Paola.

“This is the ‘big fountain’,” said Rowan, “It was the inspiration for the Trevi fountain, and in my opinion more beautiful… mostly because it’s substantially less busy. And over here,” he said, taking Aelin’s hand and pulling her across the road, “is the reason we hiked all the way up here.”

They looked over a small wall to see the most breathtaking view of Rome Aelin had seen yet. The view from St. Peter’s dome the day before had been magnificent of course, but here she could see the city in its entirely and she was completely blown away.

“Oh, Rowan, this is…I have no words. Its beautiful!” she grinned up at him and he looked into her eyes and smiled back. They were still holding hands and his palm was rough and calloused, but warm in hers. His thumb stroked the back of her hand sending flutters of warmth to her belly. He leaned in closer to her and Aelin felt her heart begin to pound.

In that moment, the wind picked up, and in her distraction over the view and Rowan, Aelin wasn’t fast enough to grab her scarf before it was blown out of her hands. She tried to grab it, to chase after it, but Rowan was faster. He slipped his hand from hers and snatched it out of the air before the wind carried it further away. Before Aelin could protest, he made to wrap it back around her shoulders, but his hands froze before the scarf touched her skin.

She knew he’d seen it then, her back. The brutally, shredded skin. The undeniable mar on her that marked her as someone broken and helpless and lost.

“Aelin,” he gasped, “ _Your back.._ ”

Aelin turned and snatched the scarf from his hands, avoiding his eye. She couldn’t,  _wouldn’t_ look at him. She couldn’t handle seeing the inevitable look of revulsion in his face. She quickly wrapped her scarf back around herself and began her way back done the hill, almost running.  _This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening…s_ he needed to get away. _..this wasn’t happening._

“Aelin, wait!” Rowan darted after her, his long stride overtaking her in an instant. She felt his warm hand slip through hers again and pull her to a stop. Tears blurred her vision and she couldn’t meet his eye. “You didn’t just lose a friend to a drunk driver, did you? You were in the car too. Weren’t you?”

Aelin nodded. “Rowan,” she couldn’t keep the waver from her voice, “it was  _my fault.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist the cliff hanger. Don't hate me too much though, the next chapter will be up shortly!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty folks, this chapter is angsty af. We delve into some pretty deep stuff. There are discussions of character deaths, abuse, a car accident and underage alcohol and drug abuse.

He hadn’t said anything. Hadn’t said a word since her saw her back and she told him the darkest, most horrific part of her soul.  _Not a word._

They walked back down the hill in complete silence. Rowan kept his hand on her back, helping her keep her balance. Her hands were shaking so bad and it was all she could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. He hadn’t run off at least, but he was just  _so quiet._  Aelin could feel the silence bearing down on her, waiting for the inevitable judgement and rejection, because really? Who would want to spend time with a washed up, ex-junkie heiress who was still crawling herself out of the whole the pit she crashed herself into ten years ago?

Rowan led them down street after street, Aelin couldn’t be bothered to remember where they were or care about where they were going. Until they stopped in front of an unassuming door. For a moment, the surprise shook her out of her dark thoughts.

“Where are we?” she asked shakily. 

“Uhh…my place? I figured maybe you might need some quiet for a minute and uhh…this was the closest place?”

Aelin nodded in reply. Rowan unlocked the door and lead her up a couple flights of stairs to his apartment. He unlocked the door and followed her inside. It was an older apartment, but quaint and cozy. And there were books  _everywhere._  Aelin wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but the sheer number of books, surprised her. Rowan lead her to an antique couch and helped her settle down before walking over to the kitchen.

“Do you want something to drink? Tea, soda, water? I actually have ice.”

“Um, some ice water would be nice.”  _Why was he being so nice?_

Rowan nodded and began making himself busy in the kitchen. He began speaking as he filled cups.

“When I worked for Maeve, I was gone All. The. Time.” he said, annunciating every word. “My wife, Lyria, she hated it. I was always chasing the story. It was like chasing a high,  _one more, one more, one more._  And because I was Maeve’s nephew and she basically owned me, I had to do what she said. She took some sort of sick pleasure in sending me to some of the most dangerous places. I think she actually wanted me to die sometimes.” Rowan handed her a glass and took a seat in an armchair across from her.

“It drove a wedge between us. Lyria couldn’t stand the constant worry. We decided to try and have a baby as a last ditch effort to save our marriage. I know now, thanks to therapy, that that was the completely wrong thing to do, but when you love someone and you’re desperate, you…you don’t think right. It didn’t work of course. Halfway through the pregnancy, we separated. We were both so hurt and angry. We didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. She didn’t want to see me. Moved back in with her parents. She wouldn’t even let me come to the appointments.”

Rowan wasn’t looking at Aelin anymore, wasn’t even drinking his water. He was giving the condensation on the glass his full attention now, as if it held some dark secret. “It was already a difficult pregnancy, she was diagnosed with preeclampsia early on. But the stress of the separation, made it worse. They think she developed HELLP syndrome. But whatever it was, it went untreated and…” his voice choked, “neither she nor the baby made it.”

He looked up and met Aelin’s eye, “I should’ve been there; if I had been, things, they would’ve been different. They’d still be here.”

He took a deep breath and showed her the tattoo on his arm. “I got this, as a sort of penance. If you look closely, its actually words. It talks of my failure to care for my wife and child.”

Aelin couldn’t help the tears that slipped from her eyes. At the sight of them Rowan slipped from his chair and wrapped his arms around her, as if she was the who had just confessed.

“Aelin, I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me anything about what happened, now or ever. If you’re never ready, that’s fine. There isn’t a moral to my story and I can’t even say that it gets better or you grow from you past or whatever Hallmark bullshit, because Gods know I’m not a model of healthy coping, but Aelin… I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. You don’t have to be…not ever if you want.”

The tears became sobs at his words. Aelin found herself crying and crying and crying into his shirt, grasping at it as if it was her lifeline.

It took some time, but slowly the flow of tears began to ebb and Aelin felt her breathing return to normal. No one, outside of her closest few friends, had ever offered her that kind of unconditional support. Aelin found herself, wanting,  _no needing_  to tell Rowan everything. She cleared her voice and began at the beginning.

“Everyone knows what happened to my parents…but not everyone knows that I was the one who found them. Still to this day, I wake up with the sight of their bodies burned into my eyes. Sometimes, I can still feel their blood on my hands, no matter how I scrub at them. I was eleven Rowan,  _eleven._ ” 

She spoke, at first, into his chest, unable to look at him, unable to bear his reaction, but she felt her words growing stronger, her voice less shaky. She looked up at him and continued on. 

“After their death, the Orynth Post and I were both supposed to go to my great uncle until I was old enough to run the publication myself. But somehow, I was given to a man named Arobynn instead. He was my father’s business partner and who I thought was a family friend. Somehow, he was able to convince a judge that my uncle was unfit to have the family business, unfit to be a guardian, all because he loved a  _man_ instead of a woman…” Aelin clenched her fists, the anger still so raw at the unfairness of the situation.

“The death of my parents, was horrifying, of course. But it was nothing,  _nothing_ compared to the hell that was living with Arobynn. He was a monster. I don’t know how he was able to hide it from my father for so long, but he was corrupt in every way. He destroyed everything my parents made, including me. He was good at putting on a show, at hiding the truth. It was a slip on the stairs or an accident playing sports.”

Aelin could feel Rowan tense at her words. She released his shirt and turned over her palm, so a brutal red scar was on display. “Once, he stabbed my hand straight through with a knife because I refused to eat dinner. He wouldn’t take it out until I ate every bite. Never mind that I threw it all back up minutes later from the pain. He passed that off as bike accident somehow.” 

Rowan took her hand and kissed the scar and then held her hand close to his heart, covered with his own hand. Tears were in his eyes now, but he allowed her to continue on without interrupting.

“It took three years of judges and sneaking evidence to my uncle before his custody was finally revoked. And it probably would’ve been longer if they hadn’t unearthed evidence that it was Arobynn that had my parents killed.”

The injustice of it still made Aelin’s blood boil. Some stupid judge had decided she was better off with some murderer than her own flesh and blood. All because he was gay? And it took a first degree murder charge to finally get her where she belonged.

“Things were better with my uncle. He was a wonderful man and loved me as if I was his own, and I loved him too. But he had no idea how to raise a teenager. Let alone one who was as traumatized as me. He kept alcohol in the house, unlocked, easy to get to. I didn’t know how else to cope…and that first drink, oh, I had never felt so free and light since before my parents passed. Some people can drink just fine without any problem, but I’m not one of those people. I had my first drink when I was fifteen. By sixteen, I couldn’t make it through the day without a drink. I started experimenting with pills and other stuff. By my senior year of high school, I was a full blown addict.”

Her voice faltered and her hands shook. This was the unbearable truth. That she was irrevocably broken. Aelin had expected him to grimace, to turn away, to tell her that he didn’t want to hear anymore. She expected his face to grow hard, to tell her to get out. But he didn’t. Instead, he took her in his arms and whispered, “I’m not going anywhere Aelin.”

Her voice found the strength to go on with his encouragement. “Sam was my best friend in high school and he was the only one who wouldn’t take my crap. He wasn’t afraid of calling me out or kicking my ass a little. It took me a long time to realize, because sometimes, I just hated his guts, but I was in love with him. And somehow, unbelievably so, he loved me too. I was better with him, drank less, used less. Everything was clearer with Sam.”

She paused, drawing a deep breath to give her the courage to continue speaking, to relive this next horror. “He didn’t want me to go out that night; he knew if I went to that party, I’d get messed up again. But I insisted. So he came with me. He didn’t even want to be there that night…but he did, because of  _me._ ”

“We argued and left early. I was drunk, of course, so Sam drove. He didn’t see the other car, until it was too late. Some other teenagers, on their way home from a party, drifted into our lane and struck us head on.”

The memory of those headlights flashed before her eyes, the scream that had been ripped from her throat, too late to warn him,  _too late._

“Sam wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and he was ejected from the car. I wasn’t. I could see him from my seat, could see him gasping for air. I knew he was dying, but I knew I had to get to him, had to tell him before it was too late. Because the funny thing was, even though I knew I loved him, I never told him. I was too scared he would break my heart if I let him in.”

Aelin couldn’t go on for a few minutes. The memories, the tears where too much, could no longer be held back. Rowan just sat there, holding her, never pushing her, giving her the space she needed while still reminding her he was  _right there and not going anywhere._

“I couldn’t get the door open, so I crawled through the windshield. I had to crawl through the hole that his body ripped through that window, in order to get to him. It utterly wrecked my skin, but I didn’t notice it. I had one thought, get to Sam. But it was too late, I took too long. He was gone when I got to him. I felt it then, the pain in my body, but it was nothing to the pain in my soul. I laid next to him forever, until the paramedics came.”

It has hard, telling him all of this. It hurt her deeply to have to relieve all of those memories. But it also felt good, to let it all out, to tell someone all she had been through and actually have them  _listen_. Because somehow, against all odds, Rowan was  _still there._  He really wasn’t going anywhere. It was what drawing venom from a wound must feel like, the pain getting it out making you stronger, healthier, better.

“While the rest of my class was out enjoying their winter holidays, I was in the hospital. First for the accident and then, because my uncle finally had enough, and sent me to rehab. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m coming up on ten years of sobriety, this winter.”

He took her hand again and kissed it, his lips warm against her hand. “Aelin, that’s…that’s wonderful. I know it couldn’t have been easy.” She gave him a grateful smile and allowed him to keep a hold of her hand, unwilling to be without the comfort his touch brought her.

“I was lucky. My uncle kept it out of the news and I didn’t even get a mark on my permanent record. I was able to graduate, go to college, get my MBA. But I still felt…lost. And you know, the funny thing is, I never actually felt bad about being an addict. Sam’s death, definitely. My parents death, absolutely. But being an addict, never. It was just another part of my story. I wasn;t proud of it, obviously, but I was proud of the work I put into staying clean. Until I met Chaol. He and I dated in college, but it was as if he only loved this idealized picture of me. A me who wasn’t an addict. Who didn’t get her best friend killed. Who didn’t have some tragic backstory. I never hid my scars until him. He made me realize that some people will never accept me for who I am.”

“That was the closest I ever came to falling off the bandwagon, when we broke up. Before that, as much as my body craved a fix, my heart could always convince it otherwise. Even when my uncle passed. But that time, they were both in agreement. If it hadn’t been for my best friend in college, Nehemia, I probably would’ve too. She kicked my ass. Reminded me that no guy was worth going back on all my progress.”

Aelin sighed. That was the other unbearable truth. That she had let Chaol so  _utterly_  wreck her and her opinion of herself.

“I’ve struggled, ever since then. I’m not good enough to take over the Post and Darrow does a much better job than I could anyway. It’s why I hide under clothes and work a dead end job and live in the worst apartment in the worst area of Terrasen. I’ve been doing better, since I’ve been here, but I’m…I’m still so, so lost Rowan.” 

There was no stopping the tears now. So Rowan gathered her up in his arms again and held her while she let out tens years worth of hurt and anguish.

“Maybe,” he said, his lips so close to her hair she could feel them move, “Maybe we can find our way out together.”

“I’d like that,” Aelin whispered, looking Rowan in the eye. “I’d like that a lot.”

___ ___ ___

They fell asleep like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms, their emotions spent. It was hours later, with the late afternoon sun streaming through the window that they woke up.

“Hey,” a deep voice above Aelin, that she felt rumble in the comfortable chest beneath her.

“Hey,” she whispered back, meeting his eye. It all felt different now. He was there, he wasn’t running.  _He was there._

Rowan trailed his fingers across her cheek and Aelin felt her breath catch. “It looks like my shirt left some sleep marks on you.”

Aelin laughed and then grimaced.  _Ohhhh her head hurt._

“A, are you alright?” Rowan asked, shifting her off of him so he could look her in the eye. He tilted her chin up to look at her closer, bringing them closer together.

“Yeah, just my head. Probably from all the crying.” Aelin said a little breathlessly. Rowan smiled down at her and looked as if he was going to say something, only to be interrupted by her stomach growling. “And I think we slept through lunch too.” 

“Well,” Rowan stood up from the couch and straightened out his rumpled clothes. “There is only one solution for that.” He extended his hand to Aelin. She took it and pulled herself up.

“What’s that?”

“Why gelato, of course”

___ ___ ___

“So where to next?” Aelin asked as they walked out of the gelato shop with their cones. Aelin had branched out from her typical nutella or chocolate and gone with a pistachio and crema based off Rowan’s suggestion, and she was not disappointed. 

“Well, I was thinking of taking you to a few more churches here in trastevere, but I think after the morning we’ve had, there’s only one place we should go.”

“Where’s that?”

“You’ll see,” Rowan said with a wink.

They walked for a few minutes, savoring their gelato, and enjoying each other’s company. Aelin’s problems were the same ones she had woken up with, but she felt lighter somehow. Like having someone accept her for who she was somehow made everything seem a little less overwhelming. After a bit, they arrived at their destination.

“A grocery store?” She looked up at Rowan, giving him an incredulous look. “I’ve been to a grocery store before, Buzzard.” Aeln wasn’t sure where the nickname came from, it just seemed to slip out. Surprisingly, it fit.

Rowan quirked an eyebrow at her. “Well someone’s got some fire in her now.” He laughed. “I figured you’ve been to a grocery store before Aelin. I was thinking it might be nice if I made dinner. We could have a quiet night in and since I’m sure Aedion and Lysandra haven’t been up to much today, they might want an excuse to get out for a bit.”

Aelin laughed. Laughter came so easy now, especially with Rowan. “Alright, but I’ll have you know I’m completely useless in the kitchen. So I hope you’re prepared to do all the work.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I can make a mean,  _authentic_  carbonara with my eyes closed then, isn’t it?”

Aelin laughed again. She could get used to this.

___ ___ ___

Aelin’s phone chimed, echoing through the quiet cathedral. Lysandra sent her a glare and so did a few other visitors. Aelin felt her face going red as she pulled out her phone and silenced it.

They were visiting Santa Maria Maggoiri and a few other major cathedrals in Rome today. It was just Aelin, Lysandra, and Aedion again. Rowan was teaching classes again today, and Aelin had to admit, she wished he was here with her. It was crazy to her how quickly he had integrated himself into her life, how well he fit in with them. He was like a piece she hadn’t known was missing, but now, couldn’t bear to be without. 

She read the message that had come through and her heart skipped a beat when she saw it was from Rowan.

_Wish I was there with you_.

Aelin smiled down at her phone. Dinner the night before had been lovely, and Aelin and Rowan had spent hours talking, even after Aedion and Lysandra had left. Aelin had found herself telling him everything, her father’s love of the theatre, Lysandra and her watching Roman Holiday with her mother, the time in third grade when she refused to leave the library, the one time Aedion pushed her first crush down the stairs and she set his power rangers collection on fire in retaliation. Everything. In turn he had told her about his friends who also worked under Maeve, the ones he hadn’t seen since he left, about his favorite stories that he had written, what it was like to grow up under the thumb of Maeve. All of it. They had talked so late, it was early when Rowan had walked her back to her apartment. She couldn’t bring herself to regret it though.

Another message from Rowan buzzed through, shaking Aelin from her thoughts.

_I know tomorrow is your last full day in Rome, but do you think you could shake your cousin and Lysandra for an hour or two? There’s somewhere I want to take you_

Aelin texted back with a smile.

_I think I can manage that_


	9. Chapter 9

Aelin slipped out of the apartment, closing the door softly behind her. She blinked sleep from her eyes. It was still a little early, but with the busy day her cousin and best friend planned for them, this was the only time she would have Rowan to herself. And an early morning was worth that.

Rowan was waiting outside, leaning against a lamppost. He looked breathtaking again in a button up and his hair pulled back in a low bun. Looking at him did funny things to her stomach.

“Hey,” he said with a soft smile.

“Hey,” she smiled back. “Where are we headed today?”

He held out his hand and she took it as he lead her down the street. “You’ll see.”

He kept her hand in his as they turned a corner. It felt natural, to have her small hand in his, it felt like  _home_. Aelin wasn’t quite sure if she was ready to address whatever it was that was going between them, but she also wasn’t ready to let him go yet. Rowan stopped a little way down the street, in front of a row nondescript buildings with cars and scooters parked in front of it.

“Annnnd we’re here,” Rowan said smiling at her.

“Umm…and where’re ‘ _here_ ’ exactly?”

Rowan let go or her hand and pulled a set of keys from his pocket and indicated to a beautiful Vespa, “How do you feel about a true Roman Holiday experience?”

—

Riding around Rome on a scooter was unlike anything Aelin had ever experienced. And riding around with Rowan…it was a dream. The city flew by, churches, piazzas, and building after building. It was overwhelming, the beauty, the history. Aelin just wanted to soak it all in. Sunlight glinted on everything, casting a golden glow all around. It sung to her soul, this city, and filled her heart with a belonging she hadn’t had for so many years. Laughter bubbled up in her at the exhilarating feeling of the wind in her face and the bustle of the city around her.

She slid forward and wrapped her arms tighter around Rowan. How lucky she was to have him. Aelin pressed her face into his back and grinned. His scent filled her nose, pine and snow. It smelled like home. Rowan smelled like  _home_.

They drove around  an oval median and past the looming monument to Vittorio Emmanuelle II. Traffic picked up significantly, and Aelin was suddenly glad Rowan was driving and not her. He weaved through cars effortlessly, seemingly to understand the ebb and flow of the overwhelming traffic. It startled Aelin, to know that she trusted him to take her wherever they were going safely. She trusted him with her  _life._

Rowan pulled the  scooter over to the side of the road near another ruin of some sort. Aelin got a better look at it as they parked and pulled off their helmets. It looked a bit like a smaller arena surrounded by other half standing structures.

“You brought me to a mini Colosseum?” Aelin asked incredulously, “You know we already saw the big one?”

Rowan laughed, a deep, hearty sound that made Aelin smile. “No, this is the Theatre of Marcellus. It was the largest outdoor theatre in Rome and the most important. After everything you told me…about your family and your father, I couldn’t let you go without seeing it.”

Tears welled up unexpectedly in Aelin’s eyes. Words failed her and she was unable to express how much it meant to her, that he listened and cared so much. So instead of speaking, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

—

It felt like hours that they walked around, so absorbed in the moment. Rowan kept her hand in his, his touch a reassuring presence. They walked around the ruins mostly in silence, Rowan giving her the space she needed to feel and explore. But he would occasionally offer up tidbits of information.

He was talking now. Aelin only half listened, but mostly she enjoyed hearing his voice, the low timbre of his voice was soothing and comforting, “…and today, those upper levels are apartments. People actually live in them. It’s a dream of mine to live in one someday.”

“That’s amazing. And I think it’s my new dream too,” she laughed. He smiled down at her and they slipped into a comfortable silence again.

The ruins were quiet, allowing Aelin to think and feel close to her parents. Her thoughts kept drifting back to the man beside her though.  _How had he become so important, so vital to her in so short a time?_  A part of her felt like she had been waiting for him her entire life.

She looked up at him and met his gaze. His pine green eyes once held nothing but contempt for her, but now when she looked at him, she only saw possibilities, a future stretching out in front of them that she wanted with every fibre of her being. She would tell him, soon. But not yet.

“Thank you, Rowan, for this. It means more to me than I could ever express…” emotion choked her and she was unable to go on, but it wasn’t necessary. Rowan just smiled down at her,  and reached over to tuck a strand of wayward hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered for a moment on her cheek before dropping back to his side.

“Anything for you, Aelin.”

—

They lingered too long at the Theatre and were late to met Lysandra and Aedion. Even though her friend was fuming, Aelin couldn’t bring herself to care terribly much. The morning had been magical.

The day was so busy. Lysandra was desperate to see and do every last thing she could. Aelin’s head began to spin and by the late afternoon even Rowan was exhausted. Aedion called for a coffee break and Rowan took them to a quaint little espresso bar. They sat now, enjoying the time off their feet and good conversation as they sipped the best espresso Aelin had ever had.

Rowan and Aedion were discussing some of Rowan’s past articles while she and Lysandra sat in companionable silence. Aelin couldn’t keep her gaze from the two men talking. It warmed her heart to see Rowan so accepted, so at home with her loved ones. It felt like he was apart of her little family.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen that look,” Lysandra said softly.

A flush crept across Aelin’s cheeks, “Wh-What are you talking about?”

“You’re happy, Aelin.” Lysandra squeezed her friend’s hand. “It’s been so long since I truly saw you happy. And I’m so relieved to finally see it. I’ve been so worried about you for so long.”

“I know…I’ve felt so lost, Lys.” Aelin sighed and took another sip of her espresso. “But being here…I’ve finally found some peace. I feel closer to them, somehow. Even though this is the farthest from Terrasen I think we can get.”

Lysandra snorted but nodded her head. “I feel it too, you know. Your parents,  _here._  I miss them too, A. They were like the parents… I wish I had.”

It was a truth that Aelin had forgotten. That while she definitely the one who lost the most when her parents passed, she wasn’t the only one who lost. Aelin squeezed Lysandra’s comfortingly. “I know. Their absence…it’s been like this hole in my chest I can’t fill. But like I said, being here, it’s brought me a peace I didn’t think I’d ever know.” Aelin rested her head on Lysnadra’s shoulder, so grateful to have a friend, a  _sister,_  who had never abandoned her all these years.

“Remember when they came back from Rome, how over the moon your mom was? I don’t think I’d ever seen two people so in love. I wanted that, that kind of love so bad.”

“Remember how we ate all that chocolate Mom brought us in one sitting? Ugh, I was so sick afterward.”

“It was sooo worth it though.” They broke into a fit of giggles that earned them confused looks from the guys. And that only caused Aelin and Lysandra to laugh harder.

Aelin could get used to being happy.

—

“So, Sienna, huh?” asked Rowan as they meandered down the street. For their final dinner in Rome, they had dinned in a beautiful restaurant on top of a hotel. The food had been divine and the view was unbeatable. They had an early day ahead of them though, so as much as Aelin desperately wanted to linger in the city, they were already headed back to the apartment. Companionable conversation flowed between Aelin and Rowan, but it was tinged with an underlying current of desperation now.

“Yeah, and then Florence for a few days, a quick trip to Pisa, a few days in Venice, and then Verona. I had to bully Lysandra and Aedion into including it in the itinerary, but with all the Shakspeare Dad read to me growing up, I couldn’t not go.”

Verona was the place she was the most excited about after Rome. Some much of it had inspired Shakespeare and she was aching to see it. It had taken some work and a few viewings of Letters to Juliet to convince Lysandra, but now she was on board.

“Of course not. And you’ll travel through some beautiful country. You’ll really enjoy it. I wish I could come with…”

“Me too Rowan.”

Aelin would never admit it, but she was dawdling. Stretching out each moment as long as she could so that she didn’t have to face the end she had been hoping to avoid at all costs.

Because that was the undeniable truth, that as close as they were, as wonderful as whatever was going on between them was, it was drawing ever steadily to a close. She would be leaving the next day and Rowan would have to stay. She would have a couple more hours in Rome on their last day before they caught their flight home, but after that, it would be until the end of the semester until she could see him again. 

Now was the time, to act. To tell him how much she cared for him, how much he  _meant_ to her Heart racing and hands shaking, Aelin turned and looked Rowan square in the eye.

“Rowan,” she said his name like a prayer as she reached up to touch his face. His eyes closed at her touch and he seemed to stop breathing altogether. “I can’t leave without…I need to tell you how-”

Rowan’s eyes flashed open, a hard, unreadable look in his eyes. He snatched her hand away from his face. “Aelin,  _don’t.”_  

His voice broke, full of emotion. “Don’t touch me like that.”

Aelin felt embarrassment flood through her. She could only utter “Oh…okay.” before turning and darting down the street. She barely heard Rowan swear and call after her, her thoughts a jumbled mess.

_Oh gods, what had she been thinking?_

—

Aelin stood with her back to the Trevi fountain, trying to muster up the nerve to throw her coin in the fountain.

Legend told that a coin thrown into the fountain over you left shoulder would ensure your return to Rome. A second coin thrown would ensure a new romance, and a third would ensure marriage. Aelin wasn’t sure if it was actually a legend or just something made up by a movie, but yet here she was, coin in hand.

Lysandra, ever the romantic, had decided the Trevi would be their very last stop before leaving that day. That throwing coins in the fountain would be the very last thing they did to give them even more magic. They had woken up so very early to avoid the crowds and give themselves plenty of time to make their train later that day.

Aelin’s thoughts and feelings were still a mess after the night before. She didn’t know what she had been thinking. Even though they were close, even though she was  _sure_ Rowan cared for her as deeply as she did, it didn’t mean he was ready. That he wanted to delve into whatever mess expressing their feelings the night before she left would be. _Oh, she had been so stupid._

But as stupid as she felt, as much as she regretted the night before, as much as she felt hurt, Aelin couldn’t regret the rest of her time in Rome. It had been like something out of someone else’s life. _A dream._  A dream that brought her the healing she had so desperately craved and needed. It had brought her Rowan. And even though she had no idea where they stood or what would happen, she knew she needed to see him again. She knew if she never came back to Rome, her heart would shatter.

So Aelin threw her coin into the fountain and wished.

—

Scenery flew by. They were well outside of the city now, the train whizzing through the Italian countryside. Aelin gazed out the window with a heavy heart and sighed.

“You ok, A?” Aedion asked. Lysandra it seemed, had finally fallen prey to her own relentless schedule and was fast asleep on Aedion’s shoulder.

“Yeah…I’m just going to miss it.” she said, sighing again.

“Rome was amazing, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“But that’s not all you’re going to miss is it?” Aedion gave Aelin a knowing look.

Aelin rolled her eyes and flashed a vulgar hand gesture at Aedion. “Whatever, Aedion.” Aedion just smirked back and crossed his arms. Or attempted to with Lysandra’s head still on his shoulder.

Unable to bear her insufferable cousin, she fished out some coins from her bag and asked “I’m headed to go find a vending machine, want anything?”

“Whatever’s good is fine A. And you know you’ll have to get Lys some chocolate. She’ll kill us if we eat without her.”

Aelin made her way back to the vending machine in the back of their car, but unfortunately it was out of order. Just her luck. Aelin had to make her way further back in the train to find a working machine. The further she walked along the train, the less busy and more quiet it was. Aelin almost wished it wasn’t. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts right now.

She was almost to the vending machine in the last car when a familiar mop of silver white hair, sitting in the very  last seat on the train, stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Rowan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll thought I was going to forget the Trevi fountain, didn't you 😆


	10. Chapter 10

 

  
“Rowan?”

Aelin’s stomach clenched, unsure it was him, but hoping against hope that it was. He looked up from his book and started at the sight of her. A knot of tension unwound in her stomach at the sight of the achingly familiar face.

“Aelin?! I-I…didn’t think you would be on  _this_  train.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you had classes and meetings?”

Rowan flushed. “I-I cancelled them. My advisor wants to kill me, he swears I’m the least productive PhD candidate he’s ever had…the undergrads didn’t mind but my thesis is probably a mess and I’ll never finish and-”

He was rambling. If Aelin wasn’t so shocked at the sight of him, she would probably wonder at that, but seeing him here was completely incomprehensible. She had been so confused at their parting when she was so sure she had messed everything up and then the fountain this morning and… _what was going on?_

“Yeah…but what are you doing  _here_?”

“Class was about to start and I was standing there and realized I needed to be somewhere else. That I couldn’t leave things the way we did. So I hopped on the first train to Siena and…here I am. I didn’t really have a plan other than to find you…to talk to you.”

“Well…now you have.” His words brought a lightness to her heart she hadn’t expected to feel. She gave him a shy smile and took the seat next to him. “What did you want to tell me?”

“That I’m sorry…I didn’t handle things last night well.”

Aelin swallow thickly, “It’s fine really, I should’ve understood that you wouldn’t want that with me.”

“No it’s…it’s not that Aelin.” Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly trying to organize his thoughts. “Do you want to know why I really didn’t like you at first?”

“What does this have to do with anything, Rowan?”

“Just, ugh, listen for a minute Aelin… Even in the airport, I noticed you. And after that, I couldn’t stop noticing you. You’re like a flame, you draw in everything around you. I knew, if I let you in, you- you could destroy me.”

He slipped his fingers through hers on the armrest. “It’s not that I don’t want whatever this is, because gods above Aelin, I do…” He brought their intertwined hands up to his lips and Aelin felt her heart stop at the soft brush of his lips. “Just be patient with me. I don’t want to mess this up by rushing it just because we only have this short time together.”

Aelin felt a rush of love and comfort at his words.  _He wanted her._  This man, this wonderful man who had wholeheartedly accepted all that she was,  _wanted her_. Wanted to be with her. Even if the logistics of it seemed impossible. “I get it Rowan, and you’re right. We have all the time in the world…it just doesn’t feel that way because I’m only in Italy for another week and a half and you’ll be here for months before I can see you again…the timing is just terrible.”

“Yeah.” Rowan nodded, “But, we can have this weekend. I mean I’ve already skipped out on classes. I might as well not doing anything productive this weekend and spend it all with you.”

A wide grin split Aelin’s face. “I quite like that idea.”

“Though, I’ll be honest, I didn’t really think this through. I came straight from the school. I don’t have a toothbrush, or clothes, or even a place to stay.” Aelin laughed.

“We’ll figure it out Buzzard. Now let’s go give my cousin the surprise of his life.”

—

Lysandra and Aedion were not actually that surprised to see Rowan. Lysandra gave Aelin a knowing smile as she settled Rowan down into the seat next to her after they greeted each other. Aelin supposed that it had been clear to everyone else but her that Rowan would come after her. With him by her side, the train ride didn’t seem long at all now. In no time at all they were arriving in Siena.

After checking into their AirBnB and dropping off their bags, they ventured out into the city. They had timed their trip perfectly to be in Siena for the Palio dell’Assunta, a horse race that each of the 17 districts or _contrade_ of Siena took part in. As a result, the city was bustling with people and extremely crowded. 

They spent a little time exploring the city before lunch. They visited the Duomo di Siena with its stunning facade and it beautiful striped marble walls. After a quick late lunch they made their way to the famous Piazza del Campo, where the races would take place, to save themselves decent viewing spots.

Rowan had been by Aelin’s side all day much to Lysandra’s amusement. But it was easy for Aelin to push her best friend’s smirks and wagging eyebrows to the back of her mind with each brush of Rowan’s hand against hers. As they waited, Aelin realized Rowan wasn’t adding in his usual tidbits of history and hadn’t at all since they arrived in Siena.

“What this Buzzard, no fun information to add? No enriching our experience with your vast wealth of knowledge?”

Rowan rolled his eyes and laughed. “Actually, if you must know Aelin, I don’t actually know all that much about this event or Siena. I’ve never even been to Siena before.”

“So are you saying we knew something about Italy you didn’t?” Aelin said mischievously.

“Don’t get a big head about it Fireheart, I’m sure it was a fluke.”

Aelin cracked up. “That’s what you thin- wait-Fireheart?”

“Uhh..” Rowan rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, it just what I-”

“I like it.” She smiled up at him and slipped her small hand in his large one. “Call me it again.”

“Fireheart.”

—  
The piazza soon filled up with people and then the festivities began. The crush in the center of the piazza was unbelievable and Aelin was regretting not attempting to find paid seats. Each one of them chose a different  _contranda_  to root for and bought matching scarves from a vendor in the crowd. The  _contrade_ were the different districts of Siena and each had their own mascots and colors. Lysandra chose the red and green  _drago_ or dragon, Aedion went with the red and blue panthers or p _antera_ , Aelin the black and white She-Wolf or  _lupa_  who had won the previous August Palio, and Rowan chose the yellow and blue  _aquila_  or eagle.

“I think,” said Lysandra, looking at the people around them, “That Rowan and I are allies and Aedion is our rival.”

“Ohhh…what are you going to do about it?” Aelin taunted.

“Well I suppose, I’ll just have to go find some fellow panthers to hang out with. Maybe I’ll just not come back too.” Aedion mock pouted and turned to leave.

“No, no-Aedion! I’m kidding, please stay.” Lysandra laughed and pulled Aedion back to her who wrapped his arms around her.

Aelin’s smart remark about her friends was drowned out by the arrival of a parade with representatives from each _contrade_  in traditional costume that ended in the piazza. It was followed by fireworks so loud Aelin nearly jumped right out of her skin. Rowan’s teasing smirk afterward earned him a swift elbow to the ribs. The fireworks ended and the horses and their riders entered the piazza and then the race began. After what Aelin assumed the be a few non valid starts to the race, the horses finally began their circuits of the Piazza. The logistics of racing in a tight Piazza was something Aelin had never considered before, but the hairpin turns were so intense that Aelin found herself squeezing Rowan’s hand as if her life depended on it.

“Fireheart, if you keep doing that, I think my hand is going to fall off.”

Before Aelin could reply, the horses took a particularly narrow turn and a few riders were actually unseated. Aelin gripped Rowan’s hand so tight he actually groaned, but she was so focused on the race she didn’t even hear him.

In a blink, the races were over, and while none of their  _contrade_  won, they were all exhilarated by the crowds and the adrenaline of the race. Slowly the cheering mass dispersed from the piazza and spilled out into the streets. They wandered the streets for some time, partying and celebrating and commiserating with their fellow men. It was like for one perfect moment in time, everyone around them was apart of this collective family, Italian or not. It was an exhilarating feeling Aelin never wanted to let go of.

—  
Eventually, they made their way back to their Airbnb, with their spirits still high. But when they arrived at the apartment, they were sobered by the reality of their sleeping arrangements. The apartment they booked was much smaller as they had only been planning on staying for one night and weren’t counting on the addition of Rowan. There was only one bedroom and a pull out couch that Aelin had planned on sleeping on but…

“I guess Rowan and I can share?” Aedion sighed, slipping his hands from around Lysandra, obviously not thrilled about the idea.

Lysandra didn’t even bother to hide her groan. “Annnd, I guess I’ll sleep with Aelin on the couch bed.”

“No, guys, it’s fine. Rowan can sleep with me. I know who much of a grouch you are Lysandra when you don’t sleep on a good bed.”

Rowan looked down at Aelin.  _What are you getting me into Fireheart?_

_Like you really would rather sleep with my cousin? He snores like a freight train._

“Are you sure?” the relief in Lysandra’s voice was palpable.

“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Rowan spoke for the first time.

Aedion gave them both a piercing glare. “Fine, but no funny business. We’re in the room next door and I don’t need to hear my baby cousin doing the-”

“Annnd good night Aedion!” Aelin cut him off with a pillow to the head.

—

It was  _fine,_  really it was fine sharing a bed with Rowan. But she hadn’t thought it through in its entirety.

Aelin stood in the bathroom clad in one of her typical nightgowns, a soft cream with dark lace around the edges. She wore them to bed every night, one of the few luxuries she had allowed herself, but tonight she was wishing she had something a little more conservative to wear. _Oh well, might as well scare him off now._   She took a deep breath, held her head high, and strutted out of the bathroom.

“I’ll have you know,” she said as she exited, “I wear these every night and it’s not because of you, so don’t get any ideas.”

Aelin looked up and saw Rowan for the first time and stared. He stood by the bed, slack jawed…in just his boxers. Aelin drunk him in. His smooth expansive chest, the dark whorls of his tattoo that trailed up over his abs and across his pectorals, the deep v near his waistband. He was  _breathtaking_. She would normally have felt embarrassed for staring but Rowan, who was frozen mid pillow fluff, hadn’t seemed to notice. She could feel his eyes trail up her legs and saw him audibly gulp as his gaze passed over her breasts. Aelin could feel heat pool in her belly at the intimacy of his gaze.

“Rowan…we need to get to sleep.”

He didn’t respond, so Aelin picked up on of the pillows and threw it at his head. It bounced off onto the floor, but served the purpose of getting Rowan’s attention.

“Hey!?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “We need sleep Rowan.”

“Yeah, yeah right.” He coughed uncomfortably, but was unable to hide the deep crimson of his cheeks.

They climbed into bed and laid awkwardly in the bed, neither of them touching. The tension was thick in the air, like another blanket had been wrapped around them. Sleep seemed impossible.

After a few moments Rowan cleared his throat and asked. “So you really wear that every night?”

“Yep. I mean not this particular one, because that would be gross, but yeah.”

“Oh…” Rowan paused for a moment. “It’s, ahh, nice.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

After a beat Aelin asked. “What about you? Do you often sleep in the nearly nude?”

“Uhh, no. I just don’t have any clothes, remember? Aedion offered me a shirt while you were changing, but I couldn’t even get it around my shoulders.”

“I guess we’ll have to get you some clothes in the morning, won’t we?” Aelin laughed and without thinking, shifted positions, bringing her bare thigh in contact with Rowan’s fingers. They both froze at the contact for a moment. Rowan didn’t move fingers from her skin, but instead began to trace patterns across her thigh. His eyes met hers, dark with desire. Aelin could barely breathe, his touch was so soft and intoxicating.

Her eyes fluttered shut as his fingers trailed a little higher. Aelin could feel her heart beating faster and her skin flush. A moan slipped from her mouth and Rowan’s fingers stilled before withdrawing.

“Aelin” She blinked her eyes open. “I want this, I really do but..”

“The timing, I know.” She sighed as he rolled away from her, trying not to let her disappointment seep into her words.

“I want to take my time with you Aelin, learn every inch of your skin…. But I can’t do that with your cousin in the room right next to us.” His voice spoke of possibilities that made her squirm. He reached over and brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I promise, as soon as I am back in Terrasen, I’ll take you on the best date you’ve ever had. Anywhere you want.”

“And if I just want to stay in?”

He laughed, “We can do that too.”


	11. Chapter 11

Sleep had been divine that night, filled with dreams of pine green eyes and feather light touches. But morning came far too early and any hopes Aelin had of a lazy morning wrapped in Rowan’s arms were dashed by a pillow to the face. **  
**

“Hey!! What was that for?!?” Aelin lifted her head off of Rowan’s chest to glare at her best friend. Somehow in the night they had wound themselves around each other.

“You’re being nauseating.” Lysandra smirked as she strutted into the kitchen. 

Aelin smiled sadly up at Rowan, “I guess we’re going to have to get up and going.”

“Ugh, I suppose so,”  he groaned but didn’t relinquish his hold on her. It took Aelin actually leaving the bed to get him to release her.

Since Rowan still had nothing to wear that was clean or appropriate for public consumption, Aelin offered to go find him clothes and the rest of them breakfast. It took her far longer to find anything that would fit his large frame. By the time she had returned and they had eaten, it was time for them to check out and head to their next destination. Aelin felt like they did not have nearly enough time in Siena, but it was all their schedule allowed.

—

While Rome had completely stolen her heart, Florence had a magic about it that had it very quickly becoming Aelin’s second favorite place in the world. The city, the architecture, it was all breathtaking. They arrived around midday, so the city was already bustling, especially the Duomo or Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore. The line stretched for what seemed like miles. They all took one look at the line and agreed to come back the next morning.

Instead, they spent the day exploring the rest of Florence. They started with the Uffizi Galleria, which had some of the most famous works of art. The Birth of Venus was the one Aelin was most excited to see and even though it was almost as crowded as the Duomo had been, it was so worth the wait. From there they headed towards the famous Ponte Vecchio bridge. Aedion was in dire need of the facilities and instead stumbled across a quaint little restaurant that he insisted they go to for lunch. Lysandra hadn’t been too sure, but the pear pasta they ordered was the most divine meal they had had to date.

Shopping along the Ponte Vecchio wound up taking most of their afternoon. The bridge was lined with souvenir and jewelry shops that Aelin could not resist. She ended up buying herself a dainty little cameo ring made of silver that she just couldn’t bear to part with.

As they walked, Aelin noticed that Michaelango’s David was all over the city. Replications of it were outside of important buildings and every souvenir shop seemed to be bursting full of them. It seemed that there was a fascination with a  _particular_ part of his anatomy too. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen this many dicks since the last bachelorette party I went to.” Lysandra whispered to Aelin, holding up a phallic shaped magnet in the souvenir shop they were in currently.

“I feel like I’m walking around in a low budget porno.” Aelin held up an apron with the torso of the David on it. It had a poorly photo-shopped, fully erect penis on it as well. “It’s not even the same color!” 

“Or what about this?” Rowan held up a bag of color dried pasta that was also phallic shaped. “What’s the point of eating these? No one actually gets any  _pleasure_  from it.”

Lysandra broke into a fit of giggles that earned them all a glare from the shopkeeper. They beat a hasty retreat from the shop. They were blocks down the street before they were able to collect themselves

“We probably had to get going anyway, our showing for the real David in half an hour,” said Lysandra. “And after that, I’m really curious how he’s actually proportioned.”

Aedion’s responding groan was loud enough people stared.

—

The trinkets in the souvenir shops didn’t even come close to doing the David justice. It was exquisitely carved and the marble looked so life like Aelin was sure if she reached out and touched it, it would be as warm and supple as real skin. She felt as if she could spend hours there, admiring its every feature.

Of course she didn’t have hours. Lysandra sped through the museum so fast, Aelin could barely take in the other unfinished Michelangelo statues that surrounded the David, let alone any of the other works of art. She remembered why she was grateful to have been able to do most of the museums in Rome by herself.

After their whirlwind tour of the galleria, they found themselves back outside, blinking in the setting sun.

“She relentless!” Rowan mumbled, just loud enough for Aelin to hear.

She sniggered, “Imagine how awful the Vatican museum was with her. It felt like she was a drill sergeant. I wanted to throw a tantrum.”

“I can imagine, I want to now!” Aelin laughed as they walked down the road.

Lysandra finally slowed in front of Santa Croce, where they sat to take in the sunset.

“I’m glad you’re here Rowan,” Aelin said after a few moments fo peaceful silence, “Especially since I have someone to commiserate about Lysandra with.”

Rowan laughed. “I’m glad too. Even if my feet are going to hate her in the morning.”

—

Even though there were three bedrooms in their Airbnb, Rowan found his way into Aelin’s bed again that night. He would be leaving the next day, and they couldn’t bear to spend a minute of that time apart. They talked well into the night and would have talked well into the morning if they could. But if they were to have any hope of getting into the Duomo before Rowan had to leave, they needed to be up early.

Once again, morning came too soon. Aelin had slept peacefully all night; Rowan’s presence had been enough to keep her nightmares at bay again. Leaving the safe circle of his arms had been the last thing she wanted to do. But, before they had fully blinked the sleep from their eyes, they were waiting in the already winding line to the Duomo.

Around midmorning, they were still only halfway through the line and absolutely baking in the heat of the sun. They decided to take turns getting gelato at one of the nearby shops. Normally, Aelin would’ve been opposed to ice cream so early in the day, but the heat was making her abandon silly notions like restraint and health.

Eventually, they did get admitted and Aelin was frankly, disappointed. The exterior of the building was incredibly grand, more so than the facade of the Duomo in Siena, so she had been expecting a similarly grand interior. But it was mostly plain and empty. If they hadn’t been climbing to the top of the dome, it wouldn’t have even been worth the wait in line.

Aelin questioned the sanity of climbing to yet another dome. St.Peter’s Basilica in Rome had been brutal and in some points claustrophobically narrow. Thankfully the climb in Florence was just only 463 steps to St. Peters 551.  _Just only._  

This time though, she had Rowan. His reassuring presence gave her the space she needed to breathe easy in the tight corridors. When the steps got particularly steep, he kept a firm hand on her lower back to help her stay steady on her feet. It was such a change from doing St. Peter’s Basilica alone. It had seemed so daunting alone, but with Rowan by her side, Aelin felt as if she could take on anything.

The views were so very worth it though. The way the sun illuminated the terracotta roofs of the city and seemed to bathe the world in its glow…it was awe inspiring. 

Aelin’s hand found Rowan’s again and her fingers intertwined with his. Right here, as if they were on top of the world, it seemed the perfect time and place to tell him. But she couldn’t make her mouth form those three little words.  _Not yet._

Instead, she looked up into those pine green eyes that had somehow became all that mattered to her in this world and said “I claim you, Rowan Whitethorn, to whatever end.”

He gave her a look of such devotion and adoration that she felt tears well up in her eyes. He brushed a tender kiss on her forehead, “I claim you too, Aelin Galathynius. To whatever end.”

—

“Four months isn’t that long Fireheart. I’ll be back in Terrasen before you know it.” Aelin buried her in Rowan’s chest.

“It feels like forever.”

He sighed. “I know. I…I keep telling myself that it’s just four months, but yeah, it does feel like forever.”

They had suspended reality over the weekend, but it had all come crashing down as they walked back to their apartment from the Duomo. Rowan had stayed away as long as he could, but the weekend was nearly over. He had to get back to Rome and Aelin had to go on.

He had taken his time over packing his backpack and Aelin hadn’t had the heart to rush him. Even though Lysandra and Aedion were going on to do more things around the city, Aelin had insisted on skipping out on them to accompany Rowan to the train station. They stood now, wrapped in each other’s arms, prolonging their goodbyes.

Final boarding sounded across the station and Rowan sighed and stepped out of Aelin’s arms. 

“That’s me.” Aelin could only nod, tears spilling from her eyes. Rowan raised a hand to her face and gently brushed away her tears. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers with heartbreaking tenderness. Aelin felt her eyes flutter closed at his touch, but before she could respond, he was pulling away. “Four months and then I’ll take you on that date.”

He turned and walked through the security check. Right before he boarded his train, Rowan turned and waved at Aelin one last time.

She watched the train as it pulled away from the station and then disappear. She had made so many mistakes in her life, so many she wasn’t proud of. But she couldn’t help but feel that letting him go was her biggest one yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm heading out of town for a few days and will have spotty access, so I wanted this up before I left! It's a little shorter, but hopefully it's up to my usual standard! Be patient please, if I don't get back to your comments right away!


	12. Chapter 12

Aelin tried, she really did. She tried to enjoy herself, get lost in their travels again, but the nagging feeling in her gut just wouldn’t go away.  **  
**

Their last day in Florence passed in a blur. In Pisa, Aelin joined in with Aedion and Lysandra at laughing at all the tourists taking pictures holding up the leaning tower. And then they took the same pictures themselves. But even that could keep the feeling away. Something was missing.  _Someone_  was missing. 

When they left for Venice, she nearly turned back then. Her heart was in Rome and it was calling to her. But she pressed on, because surely it would be a waste of money and planning if she didn’t, wouldn’t it? It must’ve been obviously clear to her best friend and cousin though that she wasn’t enjoying herself though.

“A, what are you doing?”

Aelin snapped out of her thoughts. They had arrived in Venice to pouring rain. It seemed fitting to Aelin. The boat taxi to their apartment would’ve under normal circumstances been fun, but the rain had made it miserable. Aedion braved the outdoors to pick them up some kebabs for dinner and when they finished, it had cleared up enough for them to brave the outdoors. Aelin had been so wrapped up in thoughts, she hadn’t noticed she lagged behind Aedion and Lysandra.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I was straggling.” Aelin sighed and sped up to join her friends.

“No, A, not that. What are you doing  _here_?” Aedion gave her a pointed look that she couldn’t bring herself to meet.

“What do you mean? I’m visiting Venice of course. Having the experience of a lifetime.” She couldn’t keep the tinge bitterness from her voice.

Lysandra’s knowing look said too much, “Riiiight… Aelin, you are miserable. Please for everyone’s sakes, go find Rowan.”

“I want to…it’s just I don’t want to waste the rest of this trip. I’d miss out on Verona. Plus, we agreed to take our time and I don’t want to mess this up by moving too fast.”

Aedion sighed and shook his head. They kept walking until they arrived at Piazza San Marco. The water was low, so they were able to walk around, but there was still enough to reflect the beautiful lights of St. Marks. It was a truly breathtaking sight, but Aelin wasn’t as awed as she should have been. Her mind was somewhere else.

“Its just a week, right Lys? Would it be stupid to skip out on the rest of this trip for one more week?”

Lysandra stood next to Aelin and wrapped her in a side hug. She sighed as she spoke, her voice thick with emotion. “You have no idea how precious one week is Aelin. I would give anything for one more week with Wes.”

Wesley. He had been the first love of Lysandra’s life. He had been a few years older than Lysandra, but they had been crazy about each other in high school. He joined the military when he graduated and was just waiting till he had enough money to marry Lysandra. He was deployed twice, once during Aelin and Lysandra’s senior year of high school, and again their first year of college. He had survived both tours without a scratch but not cancer. Not extremely aggressive cancer. When he came home from his second deployment, he had been feeling off. Two months later, he was on palliative care. 

His death destroyed Lysandra. Even Aelin, who was  _intimately_  familiar with the gaping hole grief left in you, was afraid Lysandra would never recover. It had been Aedion, surprisingly, who took her by the hand and pulled her out of the dark. They built a foundation of friendship that slowly over years developed into something more.

“Do you know how often I’ve wished for one more week with him? One more week of his smile. One more week of his laugh.  _One more week._ ” Lysandra wiped tears from her eyes. Aedion rubbed her back soothingly and she gave him a small, watery smile. “You have that chance A. I know you’re scared. Especially after Sam, and Chaol. But Rowan’s not like Chaol. And even if something were to happen, wouldn’t you want this extra week with him? It’s scary, I know, but one more week with the person you love is worth it. Italy, Verona, it will always be here.”

“Well Venice might sink in a few years…” Lysandra smacked Aedion’s arm “…but I mean you’ve seen St. Mark’s already, so what do you have to lose?”

Aelin laughed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

—

Bright and early the next morning, Aelin was back at the train station. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. But for the first time since Rowan left, she felt like she was taking a step in the right direction.

Aelin had never done anything this spontaneous. She felt fluttery and giddy and honestly, a little anxious. Her excitement lasted her halfway through the train ride, but when the train had to stop unexpectedly, she began to worry. It was Wednesday, which meant Rowan probably was teaching classes again, or was at least on campus.  _What if he wasn’t home? What if he didn’t want to take that leap? What if he didn’t want to see her?_

Aelin paced the train car, trying to walk out her anxiety. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt the engine rumble back to life under her feet. 

With the delay it was mid afternoon when she finally arrived back in Rome. And by the time her bus dropped her off in Rowan’s neighborhood, it was nearly evening. She had barely eaten all day, but she couldn’t think about her stomach now. She was too nervous.

She stood outside his building, gather herself. Her hands shook as she pressed the buzzer for his apartment.

No answer.

Aelin shoved down the panic that flooded her. She tried the button again with shaking hands.

No answer.

She swallow thickly. He _had_ to be home. _Why hadn’t she texted him?_

Aelin pressed the neighboring buzzers, hoping someone would understand enough English so she could explain. On the third buzzer, she struck gold. The gentleman who answered didn’t understand a word she was saying but must’ve understood her intention or was tired of talking to her because she was buzzed in.

All too soon, she was up the stairs and standing in front of Rowan’s apartment. She supposed if he wasn’t there she could go find some dinner and come back. But oh, she hoped he was there.

Aelin knocked. At first there was no sound from the other side of the door, but faintly Aelin started to hear footsteps make their way to the door. She let out a shaky breath as she heard the lock click and watched the handle turn.

Finally, eons later, Rowan opened the door. He stood there, rumpled, bleary eyed, and shirtless. And looking so very much like a dream come true.

“Aelin?” Rowan rubbed his eyes as if her thought she was a dream  and he wasn’t fully awake.

“Hi,” She said softly. Just seeing him made her breathing more even and her nerves more settled. “I love you. I wanted to tell you before you left, but I chickened out. I know it doesn’t make any sense and we have know each other that long, but I love you. I feel like you’re a piece of me that has been missing that I didn’t know was missing. I feel whole with you. So I came here to tell you that I’m completely and utterly crazy about you and I can’t wait four months for that date.”

Rowan surged forward and wrapped Aelin so tightly and suddenly in his arms that she squealed. Her arms went around his neck as life they always belonged there. He held onto her like she was his lifeline, the only thing grounding him to this life. Aelin could feel the smoothness of his skin under her fingertips and breathed in his scent of pine and snow.  _She was home._

Rowan loosened his hold on her just enough to rest his forehead against hers. Aelin could feel his soft breath caress her skin.  “I love you too, Fireheart. It killed me to leave you. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through four months. And now…that you’re here, I-I’m going to kiss you.”

“Please d-” 

Rowan’s lips descended on Aelin’s, cutting her off. His lips were soft against her at first, full emotion. This kiss…this kiss, it was _everything._  Aelin felt her heart stop at his gentle touch. His hands slipped down to her waist drawing her closer, bringing her flush against his naked chest. It lit a fire in her bones and restarted her heart, being this close to him, being so overwhelmed with the sense of  _him_. She twined her fingers in his hair, aching to have more of him, closer,  _closer_. He moaned against her mouth at their sudden nearness and his kiss become more insistent, more passionate. He teased her lips with his tongue, and she allowed him entrance to explore. Aelin wanted, no  _needed_ more of him. She felt no shame at the sounds he pulled from her, she was his and he was hers and that was all that mattered.

They broke apart after a moment, breathing hard. 

“Now about that date you promised?”

Rowan gave Aelin a heated looked that had heat pooling in her belly “I think, if I remember right, you requested staying in?”


	13. Chapter 13

Wakefulness slowly came upon Aelin and she became aware of fingers lightly playing with her hair. The caress was soft and soothing and as much as Aelin adored the touch, part of her wished it would stop. She was so  _very_  tired.

“Ughhhhh,” she rolled over and shoved her face back into her pillow. “It’s too early to be awake Buzzard. Go awayyyy.”

There was a soft chuckle next to her and Aelin felt Rowan shift closer to her. He began pressing kisses down her bare back. She sighed contentedly as his touch. Even after a week, every touch of his still felt like the first time. Warmth pooled in her belly as his kisses got lower and lower. She bit her lip and tried hard not to moan and let Rowan know how convincing he was about trying to get her to wake up.

“You need to get up Fireheart.” His breath tickled her spine as he spoke and Aelin tried not to giggle.

“No I don’t,” she fumbled for her phone and gasped at the time, “I have…  _six hours_  until I need to be at the train station.” She pulled the pillow out from under her head. And hit him over the head with it.

“ _Six hours!_  Buzzard! I am going back to sleep!” He laughed and stopped her next pillow assault by wrangling the pillow from her hands. A devilish look came over his face and he flipped her over, pinning her to the bed under him.

“No, I’m going to give you a proper send off.” He bent down and began pressing gentle kisses down her neck, his voice low and soft. “And you need to be awake for that.”

Not quite willing to give up yet and ignoring the need in her core Aelin squirmed under him. “I thought that’s what you did last night.”

The night before had been amazing. Rowan had taken her to a showing of Much Ado About Nothing at the Globe theatre Aelin had visited her first week in Rome. It felt like her life had done a complete turnaround since the last time she was there. Her first visit she had been alone and lost but the night before Aelin had been with her love and had new purpose in life.

Even though Aelin didn’t understand a word that was said, the play had been so beautiful Aelin cried. She knew Much Ado by heart anyway and it made Rowan smile every time he caught her mouthing the lines in English. It had been so late when they got back, but it didn’t keep her and Rowan from getting thoroughly lost in each other for hours.

Rowan huffed a laugh against her collarbone, bringing Aelin’s thoughts back to her present situation. “I can give you a proper send off more than once, Aelin.” His breath tickled her skin and Aelin shivered from the feeling.

“I suppose I can accept that,” Aelin said facetiously. She brought his face up to meet hers and kissed him soundly.

Rowan broke apart after a moment and pulled them up. “But first, breakfast.” He gave her a teasing grin and then darted out of the room.

“ROWAN!”  
-

The last week with Rowan had been like something out of a dream. Every moment he could spare, they were together. Rowan took her to all sorts of hidden gems around the city and so many delicious places to eat. Aelin was sure she was ruined for all other food ever. And every night they spent wrapped up in each other, falling deeper in love.

On the days Rowan had to teach or do research, Rowan left behind walking tours for Aelin to do by herself. He mapped out all the sites, with stops for gelato and food and the best places to take pictures. She wished he could come with her, though she understood why he couldn’t. But going on the little tours he designed just for her still helped her feel close to him.

Her favorite day by far had been her fourth day. Rowan couldn’t join her and she was out following the route he planned for her, when the skies opened and dumped rain. She had been too far from his apartment to make it back without getting completely drenched, but she had been only a few blocks from his campus.

She had peeked into one of the classrooms and found Rowan at the front of the class. He was a mesmerizing teacher, and clearly in his element.  His natural charisma and love for the subject was evident in every word he spoke. Aelin could listen to him for hours and had found herself taking a seat in the back for the classroom.

When he had reached a pause in his lecture, his eyes met hers and he smiled, filling Aelin with a warm glow. She could never get used to the feelings he inspired in her. After class, he came up to her.

“That was my last class of the day and there’s a break in the weather. I want to take you somewhere.”

He gathered his things and took Aelin by the hand. They wandered through the streets, Aelin not paying attention to where they were going until they had arrived at the…

“The Pantheon? You know I’ve been here already, right?”

“Just wait,” Rowan had given her a knowing look and dragged her inside. “Any minute now.”

A small crowd had gathered, anticipating something. A moment later, the rain started up again and began falling through the Oculus in the roof of the Pantheon. Something about it, the rain pouring through the roof, was so magical, so wonderful, that giddy joy had overcome Aelin, and she found herself laughing.

Rowan spun her around by the hand and held her tightly to himself. They danced together, in that ancient building, in the pouring rain.

-  
“Do you have a plan for how you are going to talk to Darrow?”

They were at a cafe now, having a quick lunch of  _tramezzini_ and coffee. They had spent as much time as possible that morning holding each other, so much so, that Aelin had barely enough time to pack. Over the week, Aelin had told Rowan many of her ideas for how she was going to move forward with her life. It seemed her time in Italy and the time she had with Rowan reignited her will to really  _live_.

“I have a standing invitation for dinner. I’ll start there. It’ll be uncomfortable as hell, but if I want to eventually take over the publication, it’s the first step…but I don’t want to talk about Darrow right now.”

As excited as she was to move forward with her life, Aelin was struggling with the impending end of the week. She hadn’t regretted for a second spending her last week in Italy back with Rowan in Rome, but now she was just back to where they were a week ago. Sure, they were actually in a relationship now, but it didn’t lessen the pain in her heart.  _Four months without him._

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I have something I need to tell you.”

Aelin’s head shot up. “What’s that?”

“I talked to my advisor. Typically thesis students don’t get all the breaks off. I wasn’t expecting to get any time off at all until the end of the semester. Especially since they were thinking they might want me to come along on some of the undergrad trips…but I heard back from him this morning. I get a whole week off for fall break in October.”

“Wait, what?” Aelin’s heart pounded.

“I can come visit you, in Terresan. I mean if you want. I know we didn’t talk about it and I guess I should’ve asked earlier…but I even booked the tickets already.”

“Shut up Buzzard. Of course I want you to visit me. You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Oh gods, please do.”  
-

Rowan rode with Aelin all the way to the airport, eager to soak up every last moment with her. Aedion and Lysandra met them at Termini station, having come in from Verona just an hour earlier. They were all a buzz, trying to tell Aelin every detail of their trip, hoping to somehow impart some of their experience to her since she had missed out. Aelin found she didn’t mind though, that she had missed Verona. Everything she needed, all the peace and belonging she had hoped to find there, was sitting right next to her.

All too soon, they were saying goodbye again. But this time, it didn’t really feel like good-bye. This time it felt right. Not that leaving Rowan was easy. It still left a gaping hole in Aelin’s heart. But this time, she knew they were just taking another step on their journey together. It was no longer a question, when she would see him again, but a statement of fact. She  _would_  see him again, they  _would be_  together again. And as Aelin waved good-bye and boarded her flight, for the first time in years, she began to dream for her future.


	14. Chapter 14

_Four months later_

Aelin handed her ticket to the flight attendant to be scanned and was ushered down the boarding ramp. She had actually been on time for this flight. In fact compared to her last trip to Italy, this one had been a breeze.

_Her last trip to Italy._  She laughed just thinking about it. She had been such a brat to Rowan on that flight, not that he hadn’t deserved it. Because he so did. But still, she had been such a different person then. It was funny how things turned out, because she never would have thought she would see him after that flight, let alone four months later be flying out to Italy to see him. Then again, her life had done such a huge turnaround in the last four months that she got whiplash thinking about it.

She had started by moving out of her sorry excuse for an apartment. Of course that had meant crashing on Aedion’s and Lysandra’s couch for a few weeks until she found a decent place, but it had been worth it to have reliable electricity and even a dishwasher. She worked to repair the relationships she had let fall apart in her haze of self-loathing and despair. That meant finally getting back in contact with Darrow and even swallowing her pride and asking him for a job went she quit her dead end one. He was still putting her through her paces, which ground on her nerves, but it would be worth it when they fully rebuilt the publication.

And this trip was just the icing on the cake. The tickets had appeared mysteriously in her inbox about five minutes after a notice from her uncle that her time off had been improved. Time off that she hadn’t requested. Rowan.

Their relationship still marveled her. His trip during his fall break had been like a dream. Watching him step off that plane had filled a hole in Aelin she hadn’t realized she had. Even though he called everyday, part of Aelin felt like all of her time with him couldn’t have possibly been real. Nothing that good ever happened to her.  But he came. And he was better than she imagined. He met her coworkers, charmed her uncle, and spent every moment he could with his arms wrapped around her. And the entire time sneaky bastard hadn’t even hinted about this trip.

Aelin reached the end of the ramp and excitement flooded her. She was going back to Italy. She was going back to Rowan. She glanced at her ticket as she entered the plane, looking at her seat number for the first time. She promptly burst out laughing.

_23A._

That sneaky bastard.

-

“So, where am I going?” Aelin asked.

Her flight had been long, but uneventful. She had a short layover in Amsterdam before continuing on to Bologna. She wasn’t sure why Rowan was having her fly into Bologna, but then again, this whole trip had been a mystery and she was just along for the ride. Customs had been a breeze and when she exited the airport, she had found a driver with her name on a card waiting for her.

“I’m not allowed to say, Signora, but we will be there in a couple of hours. Sit back and relax.”

Aelin nestled in her seat and attempted to do as the driver said and relax. She blinked her eyes shut and allowed her exhaustion from traveling to overcome her.

When she blinked her eyes open, they were pulling up to a grand medieval home she had only seen in pictures, yet was as familiar to her as her own childhood home. Instantly, Aelin knew where she was. Juliet’s house. Verona.

_Verona._

Tears unexpectedly welled up in her eyes. She had given up Verona to spend one more week in Rome with Rowan. Had given it up without a thought to be with the man that had so completely stolen her heart. She hadn’t known when or if she would ever get the chance to go again, yet four mere months later, she was  _here._  
-

When she first planned the trip to Verona months ago, Lysandra and Aedion had questioned why she was so obsessed by the idea of going to Verona and Juliet’s house. They understood her love for Verona because of her father, but to them, Juliet’s house seemed to be nothing more than a tourist trap. And it was. Aelin knew this. 

The house wasn’t obviously not Juliet’s house, in fact Juliet’s balcony hadn’t been added until well after Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet. Yet, tourists still came from all over the world to write the name of their love on the walls, believing it will make their love last. And they still wrote notes to Juliet and posted them on the false walls meant to protect the facade, asking for her advice. And they still rubbed the breast of the statuette of Juliet, hoping for luck in love. It was all terribly kitsch to her friends.

Aelin knew this and understood this, but she guessed she just saw it differently than them. She saw how the works of Shakespeare, centuries later, still affected people profoundly, just as they had her father. She saw people so in love with love they would do anything for it, even something as silly as rubbing a statue. Love is such a beautiful, human experience and Aelin marveled at how it moved, molded, and shaped people of every background. Love was truly universal. And that’s what had made Juliet’s House so important to Aelin. To her it symbolized  _love_.

As she walked through the house, she felt a sense of peace and wholeness. When she had told him about it, Rowan had understood her desire to be here and see this place. He had promised he would take her someday, though Aelin had not expected it to be so soon. Of course she had thought Rowan would be with her when she came too, but as she waited her turn to step out onto the balcony, it seemed she would be doing it alone.

Aelin walked out on the balcony and Juliet’s famous words come to her. Her father had taught her the monologue and its meaning as a small girl and the words fell from her lips softly now, easier than saying a prayer.

“ _O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?_  
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.  
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,  
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”

She was about to go on, would have finished the monologue, but there under her in the courtyard was a sight so wonderful, it stopped her words.

_Rowan._

He stood there, looking up as her, his powerful gaze struck her deep in her soul. It spoke volumes to her of his love, his admiration, his devotion. And yet he himself did not say a single word, just smiled up at her as if she was all that was right and good in this world.

Aelin couldn’t get down to him fast enough. She flew down the stairs and out into the courtyard and didn’t stop to even breath until she had her arms around him. He pulled her to him close as if she was more precious to him than the air he breathed. He whispered into her ear.

_“I take thee at thy word._  
Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized.  
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.”

Aelin buried her head into his shoulder, tears falling freely now. She took a deep breath of his scent, pine and snow and so so very Rowan. And suddenly she was home.

-

Hours later they were wrapped in each, basking in the glow of finally being back together. Aelin was resting her head on Rowan’s chest and they were talking about everything and yet also nothing.

“There’s no way this is real, any of this. I’m going to wake up tomorrow in my crummy apartment, still broken and lost, with my terrible job, never having gone to Italy, never having met you. Because there is no way anything this wonderful ever would happen to me.”

“Fireheart,” he said tilting her chin up so she could meet his gaze. “You deserve this. You deserve every happiness this world has to offer. And I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you have that happiness”

Aelin reach up to plant a soft kiss on his lips, no words able to express her love for him. After they broke apart, Rowan shifted under her, reaching for his pants. He fumbled about for a moment before returning to Aelin. He opened his hand and in it lay a delicate ring encrusted with the most brilliant emerald. Suddenly, Aelin couldn’t breathe.

“I wanted to give you this, there in the courtyard. I meant to, but at the last minute, it didn’t feel right. I know it’s soon. I know we’ve spent so much time apart, but those months apart have made me realize I want nothing more than to never leave your side again. I meant it when I said I would spend the rest of my life making you happy. Please, let me. Marry me. Let me be by your side for all the time we have left in this life. And every one after this one.”

Words failed Aelin. She could only nod as his slid the ring on her finger. Her lips met his and her poured out all her emotion, all her love for him in her tender embrace.

“I guess,” she said thickly, after they paused for breath, “We could have a long engagement.”

Rowan chuckled, “Anything Fireheart, as long as it’s with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end folks! Thank you, all of you, who have stuck with this fic. It was definitely a passion project for me, but I’m so grateful for all you lovely readers and fans that it’s brought into my life. While I’m done for now with this particular AU, I’m not doing writing, so look for some future projects or drop me a request anytime. And who knows, maybe I’ll come back to this AU eventually, we’ll see.


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